I could not be more grateful to read this! You have captured — incredibly eloquently — everything I feel, and (spoiler alert) my proposed ending to my fashion essay collection. While I truly believe fashion shapes who we are and who we strive to be, as we age (and at 55 this is where I am...) I find clothes often are just that. Clothes. Coverings that keep us warm, showcase style for no other reason than to put a smile on our face as we rush out the door, fun and sometime frivolous ways to play but don't make or break our identity as it did when we were coming into our authentic selves, when we did not know who we were and what we offered to the world. I believe this is why so many of us ultimately lean into uniforms.
This also reminds me of a Selma Hayek red carpet inquiry. When asked the most expensive thing she was wearing, she replied, "Probably my brain."
Thank you so much, Christine! I'm sure age is an important factor in being able to recognize clothes for what they are. Having said that, I wonder if the style experiments we had when we were younger before the age of social media were somehow more in tune with reality than they are now. We certainly bought less. Maybe we just had the benefit of being able to experiment without having to record every step back then. Everything feels so... performative now. Maybe that's not necessarily a bad thing, but just different.
P.S. I love that Salma Hayek quote. It's pure perfection!
You are absolutely right. We were so much less performative — and bought so much less — without social media! I recall the only audience being myself in the mirror (or my best friend there to evaluate an outfit) while we listened to music. Fantastic times. ❤️
This is so well written. I also often felt that style is overrated when your life is going well, and living well can happen even if you dress without taste or in awful clothes. I recently met a friend in skinny jeans, but radiating confidence, curiosity and drive, and in these moments you realise indeed, it's just clothes
"living well can happen even if you dress without taste or in awful clothes" -- this is a really valid point! I was talking about this with my husband yesterday, and he said that the key is not caring what other people think about your clothes. That takes confidence, and the world of fashion doesn't exactly encourage us to feel confident. Instead we're told that we will feel confident after we buy products x, y and z, but that's just a ridiculous proposition if you think about it.
So relatable, Tiia. The fashion content fatigue but also those precious experiences of truly being alive and in the moment. Yes, sometimes they are thrilling and electric but they also can run from the “ordinary” all the way into deep grief. But alive is alive. I have to know, do you still keep in touch with Dave? Sounds like a Before Sunrise kind of night 🥹.
"Alive is alive", -- well said, Irene. Too little is said about the ordinary, and the value of what we consider 'negative' emotions. I'm still trying to figure that one out myself.
Dave and I are friends on Facebook, but we've never corresponded. I don't think it would serve any purpose, really. It's just nice to have the memories.
Such a great piece, Tiia. I read another recently from Totally Recommend- I Regret What's In My Camera Roll. It’s about how our photos now are of a places and things, rather than people. IG worthy shots of the beautiful bar, not the people you are with. Food shots, ourselves in an outfit - but not the very people you are with they really make it a great night. I’ve res over to do more memories with the people I’m with rather than what I wore or ate. So that my grand kids don’t ask why nana took a photo of her feet 😂.
Thanks Alison! I read the Totally Recommend piece, too. It was very much on point! I wonder how much of the phenomenon comes down to us sharing the images we take on social media rather than keeping them to ourselves. As a result we have to take and post pictures of things and places because that way we don't compromise other people. It's almost like... required alienation. It's a strange thing, for sure.
Tia, this is so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. I have to admit, I often feel hurt if someone doesn't comment on my outfit (which is most of the time). I feel invisible and unnoticed and maybe try to use clothing to be more visible and, honestly, it doesn't work.
Thank you, Diane! Feeling invisible is so common, I think. The way we live these days is void of human connection. We use self check-outs at grocery stores, we show a bus ticket to an electronic reader rather than the driver, use scanners to take out and return library books... no wonder we feel unnoticed.
I got goosebumps reading this, every sentiment and idea is just so beautifully expressed.
I've been having similar feeling not just about fashion, but also about travel as well, as I happen to be planning a holiday at the end of the year. I find myself trying my best to be vague about my plans because I know too much research will imprint social media images of a place in my mind, and I want to avoid this "camera roll" brain as much as possible.
With clothes, I've noticed on my wishlist that there are two clear categories: clothes I genuinely look forward to wearing (basics and fancy things alike), vs clothes I feel like I should own because I am performing good taste. Reading your post, I am reminded that the former is what really matters, in the context of a bigger life to be led.
"Camera roll" brain is kind of awful. It's so hard to shake! I haven't traveled in a long time but I notice this weird need to take pictures of flowers when I'm out and about, or of sunsets from our balcony, even though I've basically taken the same photo countless times before. I recently went to a great art exhibition with a friend and I found myself taking photos of so much of the art work rather than looking at the art itself. My phone is full of pictures of great paintings... but what am I going to do with them? They serve no purpose.
"clothes I feel like I should own because I am performing good taste" -- I've mostly been able to shake this and I got there after I deleted all shopping apps. Deleting Vestiaire Collective was a big one for me. Having very little money also helps (thank you, Derek Guy!).
Somehow, you make me stop and reflect a lot. I love cloth, I’ve always felt pressure and need to be stylish, to be noticeable as one of your followers comments above. Thank you
It's such a human thing to want to be noticed. We're social creatures after all. I don't think there's anything wrong with the need itself, but it has become performative in the world we live in now. A sign of the times, for sure.
Thank you for writing this. It’s everything I have been thinking and been unable to articulate for myself. As I scroll through Substack now, I am alarmed at how much time we collectively put towards thinking about outfits and next purchases. I wonder if I am lurking in a consumption community, where we buy or do no-buys to belong. We dont live higher quality lives using what we purchased. We continue to buy (less) hoping for that higher quality life, that never seems to arrive or if it does, will I notice ? I am going to read your essay once again very slowly and hope to etch it into my style DNA :)
Thank you for reading, Neela! This: "a consumption community, where we buy or do no-buys to belong" -- yes, yes, yes. I still prefer Substack to Instagram, but it's alarming that almost all style and fashion content here focuses on buying on the one hand or not buying on the other. (The latter is most definitely in the minority.) It's like we can't discuss clothes without consumption. There's all this buying (or not buying) that leads too... nothing? What is any of this for?
For anyone who appreciates beautiful things and aesthetic expression, internet culture and the proliferation of IG makes it all very tempting to want to 'creative direct' your life. We've all become so image-obsessed as a result. It's exhausting, this 'pics (on IG that gets lots of likes) or it didn't happen' approach to life. Another reason why I've also consciously minimized my time on IG. Thank you for this thoughtful and sharply articulated essay!
That's an intriguing perspective that we're creative directors of our lives. The question is, what is the product, when really we're all, well, people, rather than brands... although I guess there's that scary notion of people being encouraged to develop their 'personal brands' as if they weren't people at all, but a commodity. Sometimes the world we live in just makes me want to move into a hut in the middle of nowhere and go completely off the grid!
Your insights are always so spot on! I went to school for industrial design and I can remember how chilling it was learning about how to conflate psychological needs (identity, belonging, etc.) with the mostly useless gadgets we were tasked to create. These imagined properties of clothing and other consumer products are what makes them so sticky in our brains. It's not the dress itself, but the picture-perfect holiday it represents that have us returning to that bookmarked link.
Since having a child, I've arguably been dressing the worst I ever have. Yet I feel oddly great in my clothes most of the time. I appreciate my stuff for the beautiful and useful garments that they are, but they are not what's pushing me through the early mornings and long days.
That's so interesting about your experiences with industrial design and product creation. It's so rare that products respond to an actual need anymore.
Also, how fascinating that you feel great in your clothes but are 'dressing the worst'. It's like Neela said in her comment in this thread, that we buy stuff to think that a higher quality life will emerge, but the trick is to be able to recognize the life as it's being lived, or to separate it from the fantasy of what we think that higher quality life should look like.
Yes, it’s easy to imagine great experiences following the acquisitIon of great clothes — that they will elevate your life overall. But really, you can live a very satisfying life without a care for what you wear. Or you could be living well AND wearing beautiful clothes, but one does not cause the other.
Tiia, I'm loving every little bit of this post! This piece feels like it exemplifies your entire perspective on fashion, clothes, style...I don't have the words in the moment, but echoing everyone here. I love this post, it speaks volumes of truth and really speaks to me personally. And, so delighted to hear that you, too, are taking a break from IG! I haven't posted in 8 weeks and barely looked in since then. I have A LOT more free time and feel significantly less swept up in feeling like I just have to have such-and-such right now. Phew... Hope the time away keeps supporting you!
I could not be more grateful to read this! You have captured — incredibly eloquently — everything I feel, and (spoiler alert) my proposed ending to my fashion essay collection. While I truly believe fashion shapes who we are and who we strive to be, as we age (and at 55 this is where I am...) I find clothes often are just that. Clothes. Coverings that keep us warm, showcase style for no other reason than to put a smile on our face as we rush out the door, fun and sometime frivolous ways to play but don't make or break our identity as it did when we were coming into our authentic selves, when we did not know who we were and what we offered to the world. I believe this is why so many of us ultimately lean into uniforms.
This also reminds me of a Selma Hayek red carpet inquiry. When asked the most expensive thing she was wearing, she replied, "Probably my brain."
Thank you so much, Christine! I'm sure age is an important factor in being able to recognize clothes for what they are. Having said that, I wonder if the style experiments we had when we were younger before the age of social media were somehow more in tune with reality than they are now. We certainly bought less. Maybe we just had the benefit of being able to experiment without having to record every step back then. Everything feels so... performative now. Maybe that's not necessarily a bad thing, but just different.
P.S. I love that Salma Hayek quote. It's pure perfection!
You are absolutely right. We were so much less performative — and bought so much less — without social media! I recall the only audience being myself in the mirror (or my best friend there to evaluate an outfit) while we listened to music. Fantastic times. ❤️
The Selma Hayek quote is IT!
This is so well written. I also often felt that style is overrated when your life is going well, and living well can happen even if you dress without taste or in awful clothes. I recently met a friend in skinny jeans, but radiating confidence, curiosity and drive, and in these moments you realise indeed, it's just clothes
"living well can happen even if you dress without taste or in awful clothes" -- this is a really valid point! I was talking about this with my husband yesterday, and he said that the key is not caring what other people think about your clothes. That takes confidence, and the world of fashion doesn't exactly encourage us to feel confident. Instead we're told that we will feel confident after we buy products x, y and z, but that's just a ridiculous proposition if you think about it.
So relatable, Tiia. The fashion content fatigue but also those precious experiences of truly being alive and in the moment. Yes, sometimes they are thrilling and electric but they also can run from the “ordinary” all the way into deep grief. But alive is alive. I have to know, do you still keep in touch with Dave? Sounds like a Before Sunrise kind of night 🥹.
"Alive is alive", -- well said, Irene. Too little is said about the ordinary, and the value of what we consider 'negative' emotions. I'm still trying to figure that one out myself.
Dave and I are friends on Facebook, but we've never corresponded. I don't think it would serve any purpose, really. It's just nice to have the memories.
So Before Sunrise!
Such a great piece, Tiia. I read another recently from Totally Recommend- I Regret What's In My Camera Roll. It’s about how our photos now are of a places and things, rather than people. IG worthy shots of the beautiful bar, not the people you are with. Food shots, ourselves in an outfit - but not the very people you are with they really make it a great night. I’ve res over to do more memories with the people I’m with rather than what I wore or ate. So that my grand kids don’t ask why nana took a photo of her feet 😂.
Thanks Alison! I read the Totally Recommend piece, too. It was very much on point! I wonder how much of the phenomenon comes down to us sharing the images we take on social media rather than keeping them to ourselves. As a result we have to take and post pictures of things and places because that way we don't compromise other people. It's almost like... required alienation. It's a strange thing, for sure.
Tia, this is so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. I have to admit, I often feel hurt if someone doesn't comment on my outfit (which is most of the time). I feel invisible and unnoticed and maybe try to use clothing to be more visible and, honestly, it doesn't work.
Thank you, Diane! Feeling invisible is so common, I think. The way we live these days is void of human connection. We use self check-outs at grocery stores, we show a bus ticket to an electronic reader rather than the driver, use scanners to take out and return library books... no wonder we feel unnoticed.
I got goosebumps reading this, every sentiment and idea is just so beautifully expressed.
I've been having similar feeling not just about fashion, but also about travel as well, as I happen to be planning a holiday at the end of the year. I find myself trying my best to be vague about my plans because I know too much research will imprint social media images of a place in my mind, and I want to avoid this "camera roll" brain as much as possible.
With clothes, I've noticed on my wishlist that there are two clear categories: clothes I genuinely look forward to wearing (basics and fancy things alike), vs clothes I feel like I should own because I am performing good taste. Reading your post, I am reminded that the former is what really matters, in the context of a bigger life to be led.
Thanks Lin, I appreciate you!
"Camera roll" brain is kind of awful. It's so hard to shake! I haven't traveled in a long time but I notice this weird need to take pictures of flowers when I'm out and about, or of sunsets from our balcony, even though I've basically taken the same photo countless times before. I recently went to a great art exhibition with a friend and I found myself taking photos of so much of the art work rather than looking at the art itself. My phone is full of pictures of great paintings... but what am I going to do with them? They serve no purpose.
"clothes I feel like I should own because I am performing good taste" -- I've mostly been able to shake this and I got there after I deleted all shopping apps. Deleting Vestiaire Collective was a big one for me. Having very little money also helps (thank you, Derek Guy!).
Somehow, you make me stop and reflect a lot. I love cloth, I’ve always felt pressure and need to be stylish, to be noticeable as one of your followers comments above. Thank you
Thanks Olga, that means a lot!
It's such a human thing to want to be noticed. We're social creatures after all. I don't think there's anything wrong with the need itself, but it has become performative in the world we live in now. A sign of the times, for sure.
Thank you for writing this. It’s everything I have been thinking and been unable to articulate for myself. As I scroll through Substack now, I am alarmed at how much time we collectively put towards thinking about outfits and next purchases. I wonder if I am lurking in a consumption community, where we buy or do no-buys to belong. We dont live higher quality lives using what we purchased. We continue to buy (less) hoping for that higher quality life, that never seems to arrive or if it does, will I notice ? I am going to read your essay once again very slowly and hope to etch it into my style DNA :)
Thank you for reading, Neela! This: "a consumption community, where we buy or do no-buys to belong" -- yes, yes, yes. I still prefer Substack to Instagram, but it's alarming that almost all style and fashion content here focuses on buying on the one hand or not buying on the other. (The latter is most definitely in the minority.) It's like we can't discuss clothes without consumption. There's all this buying (or not buying) that leads too... nothing? What is any of this for?
For anyone who appreciates beautiful things and aesthetic expression, internet culture and the proliferation of IG makes it all very tempting to want to 'creative direct' your life. We've all become so image-obsessed as a result. It's exhausting, this 'pics (on IG that gets lots of likes) or it didn't happen' approach to life. Another reason why I've also consciously minimized my time on IG. Thank you for this thoughtful and sharply articulated essay!
That's an intriguing perspective that we're creative directors of our lives. The question is, what is the product, when really we're all, well, people, rather than brands... although I guess there's that scary notion of people being encouraged to develop their 'personal brands' as if they weren't people at all, but a commodity. Sometimes the world we live in just makes me want to move into a hut in the middle of nowhere and go completely off the grid!
Your insights are always so spot on! I went to school for industrial design and I can remember how chilling it was learning about how to conflate psychological needs (identity, belonging, etc.) with the mostly useless gadgets we were tasked to create. These imagined properties of clothing and other consumer products are what makes them so sticky in our brains. It's not the dress itself, but the picture-perfect holiday it represents that have us returning to that bookmarked link.
Since having a child, I've arguably been dressing the worst I ever have. Yet I feel oddly great in my clothes most of the time. I appreciate my stuff for the beautiful and useful garments that they are, but they are not what's pushing me through the early mornings and long days.
That's so interesting about your experiences with industrial design and product creation. It's so rare that products respond to an actual need anymore.
Also, how fascinating that you feel great in your clothes but are 'dressing the worst'. It's like Neela said in her comment in this thread, that we buy stuff to think that a higher quality life will emerge, but the trick is to be able to recognize the life as it's being lived, or to separate it from the fantasy of what we think that higher quality life should look like.
Yes, it’s easy to imagine great experiences following the acquisitIon of great clothes — that they will elevate your life overall. But really, you can live a very satisfying life without a care for what you wear. Or you could be living well AND wearing beautiful clothes, but one does not cause the other.
Exactly!
Tiia, I'm loving every little bit of this post! This piece feels like it exemplifies your entire perspective on fashion, clothes, style...I don't have the words in the moment, but echoing everyone here. I love this post, it speaks volumes of truth and really speaks to me personally. And, so delighted to hear that you, too, are taking a break from IG! I haven't posted in 8 weeks and barely looked in since then. I have A LOT more free time and feel significantly less swept up in feeling like I just have to have such-and-such right now. Phew... Hope the time away keeps supporting you!