I wonder, Tiia, why it is so that we feel so much guilt or have a strong need to analyse our shopping endeavors to such an extent. Why is it that we cannot simply enjoy our hobby that fashion and the curation or our closet really is?
Well, I think it's just the human condition to want to make sense of things that feel chaotic. Shopping can feel chaotic, because there's too much to choose from, and the society we live in no longer provides us with a clear dressing code. Too many brands, too many options, not enough structure to guide us. I think that's it in a nutshell!
I can totally relate. And really this applies to so many areas of our lives, right! So, let's agree that we can also handle that one more area - our closets.
p.s. I'm sure I'll be lamenting over something in one my next posts, but I've just had a little bit of champaign with my in-law's so I see the world through pink glasses ;)
I think some people can actually have shopping as a hobby, and if it works for them, who am I to claim otherwise! It's sort of semantics anyway, because I do believe that fashion and style can be a hobby, and a wonderful one at that.
Yes, I was definitely referring to fashion and style as a hobby. I see shopping as a bi-product of that hobby. Sometimes necessary. Other times maybe disturbing more than doing any good.
Firstly, I feel as if you are peering into my innermost thoughts regarding my current state of shopping with this newsletter, and I truly recognise those feelings of despair you describe! It feels reassuring to know I am not alone in a similar thinking!! Secondly, the skirt actually looks positively gorgeous on you and I hope you are enjoying your moments of wear :)
Shopping is such a complicated topic, and so many of us struggle with it. I find that whatever I say about the way I feel about shopping, no matter how loopy it might be, there is always someone in a similar situation. We are most definitely not alone!
Oh such a gorgeous outfit from beautiful haircut to cool shoes and everything in between. It’s timeless and utterly unique. Such a thoughtful piece, and I feel newly inspired. Now, do I dare wear all white to my mother’s 75th birthday party at an Italian restaurant today? 🤔
Intuition vs rules... I have loved impulse purchases and well thought out, vetted purchases alike, and have also regretted some from both categories. I like to think that my set of "questions to ask before buying" is helping me hone my intuition in the long term, but am also trying to enjoy the process of seeing things work or not work out. You capture the high and low feelings of anticipating a purchase so, so well.
The skirt is beautiful (that bustle effect is so lovely!) and you look beautiful wearing it!
And I fully agree. Some of my best purchases have been impulsive and reckless, and some of my worst have been carefully planned and controlled... and vice versa. It's a process, and it's not the type of process where we can ever be fully in charge. Maybe that's the beauty of it!
Yes, I relate to everything you’re saying, especially about buying clothes for the vibe (though I’m getting better about that). However, the skirt looks fantastic and perfect on you! Speaking of vibes, it gives me major “Picnic at Hanging Rock” vibes …
The texture on that skirt is incredible! I totally agree that our need to exert control and “always be optimizing” (our wardrobe, our shopping approaches) can end up causing a lot of unnecessary stress or even stifle those critical impulses that make us who we are (desire for expression, creativity). I’m currently waiting for a pair of trousers to arrive, purchased in similar vein to your antique skirt. The mixture of excitement and did-I-make-a-terrible-mistake dread is real! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, as always!
Thank you for reading! I guess we'll always have that push and pull between keeping things under control and letting it loose. I hope that your new trousers will be just right!
The skirt is so, so beautiful! I love that you wear your antique clothing. I have a really lovely old antique linen tablecloth that I haven't gathered up the courage to use because I am worried about staining it irreversibly, but what is the point of leaving it in the cupboard?
The rollercoaster of emotions you felt the skirt is so familiar! I haven't quite felt the same in way in a while but I recognise all the feelings. I feel like I am forever chasing this sweet spot between intuition and rules (ie control), and now that I'm thinking about it, it isn't just limited to shopping for clothes, but it is much easier to buy clothes than it is to change jobs or start a business, haha.
I think clothing is my hobby but I'm in a phase where I feel more adamantly than ever that shopping (or the "hunt") should be a small part of it. Especially when the shopping part of it is often a escape valve for me when I am stressed or bored, and I just never feel good when I give into those feelings.
If we think that there's something "bad" about "more" and "good" about "less" the only think "worse" than more is more PLUS more guilt. I like focusing on less guilt versus less shopping -- and maybe surprisingly, less shopping is the natural outcome. Anyway, I love this piece, the words, the skirt, the thoughts, the styling. XOXO
I've mostly kicked the feelings of guilt when shopping, unless I'm operating from a mindset of anxiety, which happens sometimes. That's when absolutely everything becomes "bad", shopping and not shopping alike! If I'm feeling level-headed, I can trust my gut and I don't have to over-analyze, and then I don't buy or spend too much either. That's when I typically buy the best stuff, too!
What a beautiful skirt!! Considering prior thoughts about “slow” meaning you have a true connection to the garment and it will play a meaningful role in your life….it seems to check all those boxes. Sometimes impulse purchases are the best ones. For me that has meant things I have bought on trips—-impulse in that I happen to bump into them in the country that I happen to be visiting. I really treasure those items.
Sigh. I do see your point about patriarchy controlling us through fashion. It’s been there since the corset….maybe before then? Not up on my fashion history. But now it’s all about marketing to drive sales. One of the many reasons I hated “oversized” is that it was so clearly a top down brainwash to get women to buy new clothes post pandemic when everyone had gained some weight.
I am not sure I agree that we all have good instincts. I do think as humans we crave beauty and adornment. But most of us just follow others. Maybe because I live in the US where most people are quite style challenged outside of a handful of cities…..I think people are shaped by what’s around them. If they happen to live in a country or where there’s a high bar for quality and style, they will develop an eye for that. Sadly Instagram seems to only encourage clones i.e. the West Village white shirt + jeans young women. That’s just one recent example…I know you and I have chatted about so many permutations of this.
By the way I deleted the Instagram app on my phone so only visit once/twice a week on desktop. I read my substacks, yes. But am walking around in New York with eyes wide open. So lucky to still see original style on our streets if you avoid the West Village (🤪)—inspired by you and so glad I have done this!
I agree that sometimes the impulse buys are the best ones! They can pull you out of your comfort zone and allow you to reach other sides of your personality like nothing else can.
Historically speaking women's fashion hasn't actually been controlled by the patriarchy. Weaving, knitting, sewing, trade of fabrics, and other fashion-related jobs belonged to women in the past, and women had a lot of control of the fashion sphere. The corset being a repressive garment is somewhat of a myth (those corset-tightening scenes in period movies are not accurate). The patriarchy most definitely controlled the women inside the clothes though, as it still attempts to. Ever since mass manufacturing became the standard, the fashion sphere has been controlled by men in suits. That's most definitely not progress, and like you say, the oversized trend is a great example of how this stuff works now. It's sad and unfortunate. But I digress!
You might be right about instincts! I think we all have them, but whether we have good instincts or the courage to act on them, well, that's another question entirely. A lot of people are scared to stand out, and not everyone has to stand out either. Maybe sometimes it feels better to just go with the flow and blend in.
Unfortunately because of work I've been awfully screen-bound lately. If I didn't have to stay on IG because of work, I'd probably delete it right about now!
I loved everything about this post. Once again Tiia, you have shared your vulnerability in this very relatable way, made me think about my own relationship with individual items in my closet and my style as a whole, and given me so much food for thought about how we clothe ourselves that goes way beyond fashion or even style. Sorry for the run on sentence.
I just want to add that the outfit(s) in this post are some of my most favorite of yours ever! I love the skirt and how you put it together. And it feels so authentically you.
Tuo valkea antiikkihameesi on kerrassaan upea! Ja sen tekstuuri on uskomattoman kaunis! Aloin välittömästi kaivata myös omaan tyyliini jotain vastaavaa hametta, kiitos sinun!
Hame näyttää ylläsi kauniilta ja tyylikkäältä - juuri sinulta! Mutta ymmärrän ahdistuksen ja katumuksenkin ostoksen tehtyäsi; olen kokenut samaa useamman kerran, tottakai. Puolestasi ilahduttaa kuitenkin se, että intuitiosi toimi myös valkean hameen kohdalla, ja hame ei selvästikään ollut virhehankinta. Joutsenkesä 2025 on täällä! Paitsi että suomeksi se ei kuulosta yhtään niin tyylikkäältä ja hyvältä kuin englanniksi, hahahh!
Mulla olisi myös pari huvittavaa stailausehdotusta joutsenkesääsi varten, mutta ne ovat ehkä enemmän hauskoja kuin toteuttamisen arvoisia! Och hälsningar från Stockholm!
I wonder, Tiia, why it is so that we feel so much guilt or have a strong need to analyse our shopping endeavors to such an extent. Why is it that we cannot simply enjoy our hobby that fashion and the curation or our closet really is?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here again 🫶🏼
Well, I think it's just the human condition to want to make sense of things that feel chaotic. Shopping can feel chaotic, because there's too much to choose from, and the society we live in no longer provides us with a clear dressing code. Too many brands, too many options, not enough structure to guide us. I think that's it in a nutshell!
I can totally relate. And really this applies to so many areas of our lives, right! So, let's agree that we can also handle that one more area - our closets.
p.s. I'm sure I'll be lamenting over something in one my next posts, but I've just had a little bit of champaign with my in-law's so I see the world through pink glasses ;)
SO many people, including other women (interestingly) saying "shopping can't be a hobby"
I think I've said that once or twice, haha!
It should definitely be repeated, Tiia! <3 so that it really sinks.
I think some people can actually have shopping as a hobby, and if it works for them, who am I to claim otherwise! It's sort of semantics anyway, because I do believe that fashion and style can be a hobby, and a wonderful one at that.
Yes, I was definitely referring to fashion and style as a hobby. I see shopping as a bi-product of that hobby. Sometimes necessary. Other times maybe disturbing more than doing any good.
Life's too short to focus on what other people say ;) "Life should be wasted on things we like and enjoy"
Firstly, I feel as if you are peering into my innermost thoughts regarding my current state of shopping with this newsletter, and I truly recognise those feelings of despair you describe! It feels reassuring to know I am not alone in a similar thinking!! Secondly, the skirt actually looks positively gorgeous on you and I hope you are enjoying your moments of wear :)
Thank you!
Shopping is such a complicated topic, and so many of us struggle with it. I find that whatever I say about the way I feel about shopping, no matter how loopy it might be, there is always someone in a similar situation. We are most definitely not alone!
Oh such a gorgeous outfit from beautiful haircut to cool shoes and everything in between. It’s timeless and utterly unique. Such a thoughtful piece, and I feel newly inspired. Now, do I dare wear all white to my mother’s 75th birthday party at an Italian restaurant today? 🤔
YES, absolutely! I hope you will!!
Thank you for your kind comment!
I did it! Success! Thank you for the inspiration.
Intuition vs rules... I have loved impulse purchases and well thought out, vetted purchases alike, and have also regretted some from both categories. I like to think that my set of "questions to ask before buying" is helping me hone my intuition in the long term, but am also trying to enjoy the process of seeing things work or not work out. You capture the high and low feelings of anticipating a purchase so, so well.
The skirt is beautiful (that bustle effect is so lovely!) and you look beautiful wearing it!
Thank you!!
And I fully agree. Some of my best purchases have been impulsive and reckless, and some of my worst have been carefully planned and controlled... and vice versa. It's a process, and it's not the type of process where we can ever be fully in charge. Maybe that's the beauty of it!
Yes, I relate to everything you’re saying, especially about buying clothes for the vibe (though I’m getting better about that). However, the skirt looks fantastic and perfect on you! Speaking of vibes, it gives me major “Picnic at Hanging Rock” vibes …
Haha, I actually watched Picnic at Hanging Rock over the winter. It's possible that that's where the inspiration came from originally!
There you go!
The texture on that skirt is incredible! I totally agree that our need to exert control and “always be optimizing” (our wardrobe, our shopping approaches) can end up causing a lot of unnecessary stress or even stifle those critical impulses that make us who we are (desire for expression, creativity). I’m currently waiting for a pair of trousers to arrive, purchased in similar vein to your antique skirt. The mixture of excitement and did-I-make-a-terrible-mistake dread is real! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, as always!
Thank you for reading! I guess we'll always have that push and pull between keeping things under control and letting it loose. I hope that your new trousers will be just right!
The skirt is so, so beautiful! I love that you wear your antique clothing. I have a really lovely old antique linen tablecloth that I haven't gathered up the courage to use because I am worried about staining it irreversibly, but what is the point of leaving it in the cupboard?
The rollercoaster of emotions you felt the skirt is so familiar! I haven't quite felt the same in way in a while but I recognise all the feelings. I feel like I am forever chasing this sweet spot between intuition and rules (ie control), and now that I'm thinking about it, it isn't just limited to shopping for clothes, but it is much easier to buy clothes than it is to change jobs or start a business, haha.
I think clothing is my hobby but I'm in a phase where I feel more adamantly than ever that shopping (or the "hunt") should be a small part of it. Especially when the shopping part of it is often a escape valve for me when I am stressed or bored, and I just never feel good when I give into those feelings.
I love that outfit
A superb article, Tiia! I like that you realized that the idea of a Swan Summer had been there all along, percolating. The skirt’s textile is amazing!
Love your new skirt on you, Tiina.
I just love the back detail on that skirt, it’s always so interested to see how garment closures were designed before zippers became widely used.
If we think that there's something "bad" about "more" and "good" about "less" the only think "worse" than more is more PLUS more guilt. I like focusing on less guilt versus less shopping -- and maybe surprisingly, less shopping is the natural outcome. Anyway, I love this piece, the words, the skirt, the thoughts, the styling. XOXO
Thanks Rachel! XO
I've mostly kicked the feelings of guilt when shopping, unless I'm operating from a mindset of anxiety, which happens sometimes. That's when absolutely everything becomes "bad", shopping and not shopping alike! If I'm feeling level-headed, I can trust my gut and I don't have to over-analyze, and then I don't buy or spend too much either. That's when I typically buy the best stuff, too!
Will we ever stop falling for it? Great read 🐝
Thank you! And to answer your question: it's a process!
What a beautiful skirt!! Considering prior thoughts about “slow” meaning you have a true connection to the garment and it will play a meaningful role in your life….it seems to check all those boxes. Sometimes impulse purchases are the best ones. For me that has meant things I have bought on trips—-impulse in that I happen to bump into them in the country that I happen to be visiting. I really treasure those items.
Sigh. I do see your point about patriarchy controlling us through fashion. It’s been there since the corset….maybe before then? Not up on my fashion history. But now it’s all about marketing to drive sales. One of the many reasons I hated “oversized” is that it was so clearly a top down brainwash to get women to buy new clothes post pandemic when everyone had gained some weight.
I am not sure I agree that we all have good instincts. I do think as humans we crave beauty and adornment. But most of us just follow others. Maybe because I live in the US where most people are quite style challenged outside of a handful of cities…..I think people are shaped by what’s around them. If they happen to live in a country or where there’s a high bar for quality and style, they will develop an eye for that. Sadly Instagram seems to only encourage clones i.e. the West Village white shirt + jeans young women. That’s just one recent example…I know you and I have chatted about so many permutations of this.
By the way I deleted the Instagram app on my phone so only visit once/twice a week on desktop. I read my substacks, yes. But am walking around in New York with eyes wide open. So lucky to still see original style on our streets if you avoid the West Village (🤪)—inspired by you and so glad I have done this!
I agree that sometimes the impulse buys are the best ones! They can pull you out of your comfort zone and allow you to reach other sides of your personality like nothing else can.
Historically speaking women's fashion hasn't actually been controlled by the patriarchy. Weaving, knitting, sewing, trade of fabrics, and other fashion-related jobs belonged to women in the past, and women had a lot of control of the fashion sphere. The corset being a repressive garment is somewhat of a myth (those corset-tightening scenes in period movies are not accurate). The patriarchy most definitely controlled the women inside the clothes though, as it still attempts to. Ever since mass manufacturing became the standard, the fashion sphere has been controlled by men in suits. That's most definitely not progress, and like you say, the oversized trend is a great example of how this stuff works now. It's sad and unfortunate. But I digress!
You might be right about instincts! I think we all have them, but whether we have good instincts or the courage to act on them, well, that's another question entirely. A lot of people are scared to stand out, and not everyone has to stand out either. Maybe sometimes it feels better to just go with the flow and blend in.
Unfortunately because of work I've been awfully screen-bound lately. If I didn't have to stay on IG because of work, I'd probably delete it right about now!
I loved everything about this post. Once again Tiia, you have shared your vulnerability in this very relatable way, made me think about my own relationship with individual items in my closet and my style as a whole, and given me so much food for thought about how we clothe ourselves that goes way beyond fashion or even style. Sorry for the run on sentence.
I just want to add that the outfit(s) in this post are some of my most favorite of yours ever! I love the skirt and how you put it together. And it feels so authentically you.
Tuo valkea antiikkihameesi on kerrassaan upea! Ja sen tekstuuri on uskomattoman kaunis! Aloin välittömästi kaivata myös omaan tyyliini jotain vastaavaa hametta, kiitos sinun!
Hame näyttää ylläsi kauniilta ja tyylikkäältä - juuri sinulta! Mutta ymmärrän ahdistuksen ja katumuksenkin ostoksen tehtyäsi; olen kokenut samaa useamman kerran, tottakai. Puolestasi ilahduttaa kuitenkin se, että intuitiosi toimi myös valkean hameen kohdalla, ja hame ei selvästikään ollut virhehankinta. Joutsenkesä 2025 on täällä! Paitsi että suomeksi se ei kuulosta yhtään niin tyylikkäältä ja hyvältä kuin englanniksi, hahahh!
Mulla olisi myös pari huvittavaa stailausehdotusta joutsenkesääsi varten, mutta ne ovat ehkä enemmän hauskoja kuin toteuttamisen arvoisia! Och hälsningar från Stockholm!