I love your writing - and your thought processes. Thank you. This is definitely my culling method. These most recent fashion weeks have also made me feel poor and disenchanted. Not that I could ever afford new designer garb. But the prices now seem so detached from reality (if one isn’t an oligarch or what have you) that it exposes the economic bones / injustices behind our entire fashion system. I cannot even afford them pre-loved. Perhaps it will end up being akin to Renaissance clothes repurchasing and I will be the 4th or 5th, 6th or 7th owner?
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words.
I feel the same way about the fashion weeks -- disconnected, left out. I still watch the shows, even though I could never afford any of the brands that I like new. Amy Odell wrote a great newsletter about the state of fashion pricing some time ago, where she argued that luxury houses have forgotten about the aspirational fashion customer; the one who'd save up money for a good while to afford a solid designer piece, like a nice jacket or a good pair of trousers. Constantly altering brand aesthetics, trends, quality standards and prices have changed all that. The brands only cater for the very wealthy.
I even feel that scrambling for designer pieces second hand is starting to feel tiresome, too. I feel like there's a whole newsletter waiting to be written here, about all of this...
Couldn’t agree more. It’s been a subject I’ve been talking about with fashion friends here in the U.K. It feels as if the economics of “high” and “low” fashion no longer work.
Ah, that's so fascinating! I had to look up "colligere" and that led me to "colligo" -- gather, collect, bind, but also to think upon, weigh, consider, deduce, to compose oneself. I love it!
This approach makes sense to me. I have sometimes felt that the ruthless in/out culling philosophy seemed anti-style and others have pointed out (Allison Bernstein and you), it just makes room for more consumption. For example, I kept a box from college (randomly, not deliberately) because at the time it was assembled I was not up in arms abut having too many clothes and through various moves, it just “coasted.” Well last year I opened the box and discovered several button up shirts (Brooks Bros, excellent quality made in the US), a Ralph rugby shirt, my favorite Fiorucci denim jacket and a Sonia Rykiel velour skirt. I have worn these all a ton since that rediscovery. If I had been a ruthless culler, those pieces might not have survived. And of course folks who are efficient cullers might have gently reminded me...you can always rebuy when the trend resurfaces...and that would be a logical piece of advice. And yet. That mindset seems to feed the soulless churn of fashion consumption. Not going to lie, I still envy their orderly closets :-)
Tiia, while reading your #3 revelation, it occurred to me that you should definitely get a pass on that section of your closet. By nature of your work and your expertise, you are a collector. If you collected pottery from a certain period, you wouldn’t be challenging yourself on whether you should keep a unique bowl you only ate out of once.
You're right about keeping things that only get worn rarely. I realized at some point last year that I was okay with having clothes in my closet that I don't wear all the time. Some items I might wear once a year. I own an amazing Osgood Smuk coat that I haven't worn once in probably ten years and I'm fine with that. That's the collector in me. Clothes are not just utility articles for me.
That's amazing about the box of clothes you had accidentally saved from your college years! You can't "rebuy" memories, or your old favorite clothes. It just wouldn't be the same.
And yes, I also still envy people with ordered closets. I can't help myself!
What a wonderful anecdote and (re)find! I'm so happy for you that you saved these wonderful heritage items and that they are being lived in again. Awesome. You make me think that some of my own complex feelings around my closet might stem from the emphasis or even "trend" right now to be constantly closet culling! Everyone talks about it, everyone is doing it. Don't get me wrong, I love culling, it feels good and I do it, but at the same time, it kinda makes me feel bad when I haven't culled my entire closet down to the nth degree with nothing left but I LOVE THIS. Is that even possible (if you don't have a bottomless budget)?
I can totally relate to this feeling of "needing to cull because we're supposed to". It all comes down to consumerism, I think. Unless we have that bottomless budget and a spare room for our clothes, we have to cull in order to keep buying more things. And we need to keep buying more things in order to stay relevant. It's kind of messed up!
So true...the whole consumerist mindset is such a powerful and often unconscious force in all of this. I haven't thought as much about I need/want to "stay relevant" though clearly I do. But, I do think more about how the consumerist mindset leads me to feel that I need to buy new things (or new-to-me things) all the time in order to keep feeling like I love my closet. The dopamine hit/falling in love with a new item is wonderful at first, but very quickly fades, I've noticed, urging me to buy something again right afterwards or just keep the parcels coming in the mail. I don't just think that's human nature, though it very well may also be, but is also about the fact that our brains are now wired to/addicted to having to have novelty in order to feel good again. And that boredom and a kind of "depression" about our closets sets in when this can't happen. It's upsetting!
Chaotic culling is the culling for me!! I’ve read about cleanouts that involve “taking all pants, trying them on, sort into 3 piles” but- frankly- I get too tired half way through pulling pants on and off and I walk away. If I led with feeling and instinct, I’d probably end up keeping a bit more but I’m ok with that.
I'm the same way! I think I'd probably cull a lot more if I was trying to be systematic and super organized, but I just don't want to. It's not about the numbers. It's about following your heart.
You are a good writer and I like to read your process. I'm recognising myself also especially the feelings You described from your earlier life. Nowadays I also do chaotic curling, but I also try on a whole category in high speed eg shirts and tees or pants. It gives me the clear answers if I still love/like or fit in a garment. I also have more clothes than I have oppurtunties to wear them. I'm aware I have a ridiculous amount of skirts and outerwear. But I know what I like and as long I'm not buying clothes as comfort or feeling that they will change my life I think it is ok. I don't often buy mistakes but I change and go on and my feeling for garments changes accordingly. It's a dynamic process of "cleaning out", selling and bying. It's my most import creative outlet....
Thank you for this! I struggle with traditional closet culling. My ADHD brain cannot take it - why would I focus on pants for two hours if I can instead focus on two pairs of jeans, a few blazers, sandals, and return a few work emails?? - and I end up cutting bait. Your essay points out that there’s something in the middle, and no “right way” to do something that is meant to bring joy. I just discovered your newsletter and love it!
You're absolutely right: there is no "right way" to do any of this. We have to find our own way of doing things, be it in building our personal style, or culling our closets. I think it says a lot about our relationship with material goods (and about capitalism and consumerism) that we feel that we need outside advice to cope with our stuff. It's not always easy to figure this stuff out though!
Every line made me want to cheer, go "AHA," underline. You are so smart and instinctive and tender. Sorry I told you you didn't like your sweaters and to cull them! They will write their next story for you when they and you are ready. I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU XO
I was actually thinking how great it was that you told me to cull the sweaters. I got a gut reaction from your DM, like the second I read it, and immediately knew that I had to keep the sweaters. Sometimes it's good to have someone play the devil's advocate to know how you really feel.
This is so relatable for me! This is pretty much how I edit my closet. I usually have a bag in my bedroom for things I come across randomly that I want to get rid of. It’s an ongoing process. And if I’m not sure about something, I put it away and see if I miss it. Because there’s nothing worse than frantically getting rid of something and then deeply regretting it later. Thanks for sharing!
I'm glad this resonated with you, Christina! They say that once you cull something out of your closet, you won't regret it, but I have so many regrets from culling stuff because I thought I had to be ruthless! Some things still haunt me, years and years later.
I love this. I love that it addresses the emotions behind our clothes, the cull/buy cycle so many of us fall into, and avoids the diet-culture-esque (eating disorder-esque?) terminology of “purging.” I haven’t done a formal cull in a few years because I simply don’t have the energy or time for it with two small kids. Chaotic is all I have haha. I also stopped getting rid of clothes for a couple of years in an effort to pause my own cull/buy cycle (it did help!), and only recently started letting go of more clothing.
Right now I’m considering moving away from rationalism and embrace of intuition in regards to tracking my clothing wears. I’ve been tracking in a basic excel spreadsheet for about 4 years, and have learned a fair amount (though not as much as I did from simply tracking what I bought and got rid of for several years). But at this point I feel like I kind of know what is getting good wear and I don’t have the desire/time/energy to obsess over cost per wear etc. I forget to update it daily more and more. And maybe my goal shouldn’t be tracking my extensive closet to reward and flagellate myself for clothing related decisions, but to just enjoy what I have or move on from it. Long term I’d like to have a closet small enough that the idea of even tracking it is laughable, but I’m cautious about falling back into old cull/buy cycles, and kind of want to genuinely wear stuff out if I’m at all still wearing it, rather than sell or donate (we’ll see how that goes!).
That's a really interesting point about the diet-culture-esque language that surrounds our closet talk! We talk about shopping binges, too. What's up with that!? Whatever it is, it's not healthy...
I'm also trying to move away from rationalizing and analyzing my clothes to death, although being an overthinker, it's not simple. It's just kind of exhausting to try to control everything all the time (again, there's that diet-culture-mindset, right?). I tracked my outfits for some time with the A Closet app, and it was helpful and I learned some things, but it just took up too much of my mental space after a while. I feel like I got what I needed from it. Tracking my purchases has been more helpful for me, too, in the long run. But I do want to get to a place where I don't have to think so much, and where I can trust my intuition instead.
the normal 'cull your wardrobe' advice doesn't work on me either, but I do think I've been slower to tire of clothes once I stopped buying things for their own sake (similar to your needing more range in pants but then not actually liking them, or placeholders). Or 'I should have black trousers for work, might as well get a pair' - that 'might as well' is usually an 'I don't actually want this, it feels like a chore to wear it'.
also a lot of wardrobe editing advice is oriented to specific numbers and the idea of the capsule wardrobe - which is useful to many people and contexts, but in terms of my wardrobe, the capsule isn't really what I want - I like having options but don't like the way some advice writers treat it as a moral failing if you keep your clothes (not to mention how some of the advice is downright false - so much advice to 'ditch old clothes and get the modern version because they will fit better' which is a lie because clothing quality - construction, fabric etc - has declined so much over the last decade, even for a lot of expensive brands.).
I, too, think that I'm able to cull differently because I'm buying differently. I still buy a lot, but my viewpoint has definitely shifted in the last couple of years.
That's a great point re: the capsule wardrobe ideology. It makes us treat our clothes with efficiency in mind first and foremost. I really dislike the idea that we're supposed to wear our clothes all the time, or that you've failed if you can't style something a hundred different ways.
I fully agree that there's some toxic advice floating around regarding fit and construction. Old clothes are so much better made that it's just stupid to claim otherwise. Just because something comes with an elastic waistband doesn't mean that it has any fit to speak of.
This is such a thoughtful and empathetic way of cultivating a wardrobe, but also cultivating a relationship with oneself. I also have a number of beloved pieces (mostly vintage, actually) that for one reason or another I don't wear nearly as much, yet I love them instinctively, for reasons sometimes yet to be articulated. I'm ok with that, too. Thanks for the lovely reminder that we should all slow down and allow ourselves to sit with the messy feelings of being human, and being imperfect. :)
I feel you in your writing and b/c I can feel you, your posts (and you) make me feel less isolated in the world, more like in a community, even a virtual one, and that is valuable to me. You have a knack for conveying intimacy in your writing. Thank you! I also particularly resonated with a number of things you wrote: "We tend to be very hard on ourselves when it comes to editing our closets." and "I’ve blamed myself for having bought things that I don’t need." and "I’ve felt silly when the clothes that I thought would make me feel a certain way didn’t deliver." I've felt all these things.
I see many items in my closet that I no longer love, I know this, but I don't get rid of them because I don't have the money to replace everything with something else I'd prefer more. I already feel like I spend too much, but I feel like I don't have a LOT of clothes (around 160 items including shoes, coats, and bags). These items I no longer love are fine, nothing wrong with them, high quality, but just not exactly "me" but I keep them in part so that my closet feels like it has more choices, more life to it as I already feel like I don't have enough. (Of course I have more than enough, it's just a feeling.) I guess I'm holding on from a scarcity mindset, in the sense that their presence in some other way, provides comfort. Interesting... Thank you for writing about the complex feelings that arise when confronted by our closets (and culling).
Thank you Lisa, for your support and kind words, always!
I think that we all have feelings of inadequacy when it comes to our clothes. The system is rigged that way, to keep us buying more and more. It feeds on our insecurities, and we all have them.
Re: holding onto some of your old clothes even though you don't love them right now... You don't need to make decisions about them if you're not ready. It sounds to me like you're doing the mental work, thinking about the scarcity mindset, the comfort factor... These are big themes that require time. Eventually you might feel ready to let go of these clothes, all in good time. Or you might end up loving some of them after all, who knows! Trust the process!
Tiia, pardon my delayed reply! Your comment back feels so supportive, thank you! I really value your perspectives, they are grounding and real and relativizing. "Trust the process!" And that these themes take time to unfold. Yes, I need this. It's perfectly fine and normal and OK to not have my closet all perfectly aligned with who I am (and I'm constantly evolving) or exactly as I want it (in this moment). Your note also reminds me that I have other important things going on in my life and though my clothes are very important to me, so are these other things.
love every part of this essay! I have also been struggling with some of my vintage, it feels too young for me and I'm not sure where that is coming from. I don't mind but it's weird to have a favorite piece appear too costume-like. Also, I'm thinking so much of the advice on closet cleanouts (and the situating clothing/the closet as an enemy) comes from Puritanism. It's so harsh and focused on getting rid of things that 'don't work' enough. Yikes!
Puritanism -- yes, you nailed it, Kara. It's like Alicia wrote in her comment, the language surrounding our clothes and our closets is similar to diet culture (and religion) where's there's this weird mix of indulgence followed by penance, but then there's also the Puritan idea of endless introspection and self-examination. No wonder we're all exhausted!
I love your approach! And fully agree. It is about the connection you have with a piece. I will try to let my my difficult pieces talk to me. They will tell me how to wear them. Me too, I have some beautiful items thaf I don't wear often. But why should I do them away? I enjoy having them in my closet and there will be a moment that I wear them and be happy.
Exactly. I refuse to think that in order for a piece of clothing to have a purpose in my closet, it needs to be worn constantly and in a hundred different ways. It's just silly to expect that!
Haluan palata karsimisaiheeseen myöhemmin, mutta tässä vaiheessa sanon vain, että taisin karsia omaa vaatemäärääni viimeisessä muutossani Turkuun juuri noin, tunteita kokien ja vaatteisiini ihastuen. Tein karsinnan vasta muutettuani Turkuun.
Ja se t o d e l l a k i n toimi! Ihanaa, että olet saanut karsittua ja tehtyä luopumistyötä! Siitä tulee aina hyvä ja kevyt fiilis ja tuntee hallitsevansa elämäänsä - ainakin itselläni!
Niinpä. Luopumistyö on tärkeää, kun se tekee sydämellä. Ihanaa kuulla, että sinäkin teit karsintaa tunteiden avulla. Järki on näissä asioissa yliarvostettua.
I love your writing - and your thought processes. Thank you. This is definitely my culling method. These most recent fashion weeks have also made me feel poor and disenchanted. Not that I could ever afford new designer garb. But the prices now seem so detached from reality (if one isn’t an oligarch or what have you) that it exposes the economic bones / injustices behind our entire fashion system. I cannot even afford them pre-loved. Perhaps it will end up being akin to Renaissance clothes repurchasing and I will be the 4th or 5th, 6th or 7th owner?
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words.
I feel the same way about the fashion weeks -- disconnected, left out. I still watch the shows, even though I could never afford any of the brands that I like new. Amy Odell wrote a great newsletter about the state of fashion pricing some time ago, where she argued that luxury houses have forgotten about the aspirational fashion customer; the one who'd save up money for a good while to afford a solid designer piece, like a nice jacket or a good pair of trousers. Constantly altering brand aesthetics, trends, quality standards and prices have changed all that. The brands only cater for the very wealthy.
I even feel that scrambling for designer pieces second hand is starting to feel tiresome, too. I feel like there's a whole newsletter waiting to be written here, about all of this...
Couldn’t agree more. It’s been a subject I’ve been talking about with fashion friends here in the U.K. It feels as if the economics of “high” and “low” fashion no longer work.
Absolutely. The chasm keeps getting wider between the ones who have access and the ones who don't.
Word nerd here: I find it interesting that "cull" and "collect" share a Latin source ("colligere"). Two sides of the same coin!
Ah, that's so fascinating! I had to look up "colligere" and that led me to "colligo" -- gather, collect, bind, but also to think upon, weigh, consider, deduce, to compose oneself. I love it!
This approach makes sense to me. I have sometimes felt that the ruthless in/out culling philosophy seemed anti-style and others have pointed out (Allison Bernstein and you), it just makes room for more consumption. For example, I kept a box from college (randomly, not deliberately) because at the time it was assembled I was not up in arms abut having too many clothes and through various moves, it just “coasted.” Well last year I opened the box and discovered several button up shirts (Brooks Bros, excellent quality made in the US), a Ralph rugby shirt, my favorite Fiorucci denim jacket and a Sonia Rykiel velour skirt. I have worn these all a ton since that rediscovery. If I had been a ruthless culler, those pieces might not have survived. And of course folks who are efficient cullers might have gently reminded me...you can always rebuy when the trend resurfaces...and that would be a logical piece of advice. And yet. That mindset seems to feed the soulless churn of fashion consumption. Not going to lie, I still envy their orderly closets :-)
Tiia, while reading your #3 revelation, it occurred to me that you should definitely get a pass on that section of your closet. By nature of your work and your expertise, you are a collector. If you collected pottery from a certain period, you wouldn’t be challenging yourself on whether you should keep a unique bowl you only ate out of once.
You're right about keeping things that only get worn rarely. I realized at some point last year that I was okay with having clothes in my closet that I don't wear all the time. Some items I might wear once a year. I own an amazing Osgood Smuk coat that I haven't worn once in probably ten years and I'm fine with that. That's the collector in me. Clothes are not just utility articles for me.
That's amazing about the box of clothes you had accidentally saved from your college years! You can't "rebuy" memories, or your old favorite clothes. It just wouldn't be the same.
And yes, I also still envy people with ordered closets. I can't help myself!
What a wonderful anecdote and (re)find! I'm so happy for you that you saved these wonderful heritage items and that they are being lived in again. Awesome. You make me think that some of my own complex feelings around my closet might stem from the emphasis or even "trend" right now to be constantly closet culling! Everyone talks about it, everyone is doing it. Don't get me wrong, I love culling, it feels good and I do it, but at the same time, it kinda makes me feel bad when I haven't culled my entire closet down to the nth degree with nothing left but I LOVE THIS. Is that even possible (if you don't have a bottomless budget)?
I can totally relate to this feeling of "needing to cull because we're supposed to". It all comes down to consumerism, I think. Unless we have that bottomless budget and a spare room for our clothes, we have to cull in order to keep buying more things. And we need to keep buying more things in order to stay relevant. It's kind of messed up!
So true...the whole consumerist mindset is such a powerful and often unconscious force in all of this. I haven't thought as much about I need/want to "stay relevant" though clearly I do. But, I do think more about how the consumerist mindset leads me to feel that I need to buy new things (or new-to-me things) all the time in order to keep feeling like I love my closet. The dopamine hit/falling in love with a new item is wonderful at first, but very quickly fades, I've noticed, urging me to buy something again right afterwards or just keep the parcels coming in the mail. I don't just think that's human nature, though it very well may also be, but is also about the fact that our brains are now wired to/addicted to having to have novelty in order to feel good again. And that boredom and a kind of "depression" about our closets sets in when this can't happen. It's upsetting!
Chaotic culling is the culling for me!! I’ve read about cleanouts that involve “taking all pants, trying them on, sort into 3 piles” but- frankly- I get too tired half way through pulling pants on and off and I walk away. If I led with feeling and instinct, I’d probably end up keeping a bit more but I’m ok with that.
I'm the same way! I think I'd probably cull a lot more if I was trying to be systematic and super organized, but I just don't want to. It's not about the numbers. It's about following your heart.
You are a good writer and I like to read your process. I'm recognising myself also especially the feelings You described from your earlier life. Nowadays I also do chaotic curling, but I also try on a whole category in high speed eg shirts and tees or pants. It gives me the clear answers if I still love/like or fit in a garment. I also have more clothes than I have oppurtunties to wear them. I'm aware I have a ridiculous amount of skirts and outerwear. But I know what I like and as long I'm not buying clothes as comfort or feeling that they will change my life I think it is ok. I don't often buy mistakes but I change and go on and my feeling for garments changes accordingly. It's a dynamic process of "cleaning out", selling and bying. It's my most import creative outlet....
Thank you so much!
It's the best thing when you know what you like. Then you can just trust your process, and you can't really go wrong. It's a great place to be!
Thank you for this! I struggle with traditional closet culling. My ADHD brain cannot take it - why would I focus on pants for two hours if I can instead focus on two pairs of jeans, a few blazers, sandals, and return a few work emails?? - and I end up cutting bait. Your essay points out that there’s something in the middle, and no “right way” to do something that is meant to bring joy. I just discovered your newsletter and love it!
I'm glad you're here, Samantha!
You're absolutely right: there is no "right way" to do any of this. We have to find our own way of doing things, be it in building our personal style, or culling our closets. I think it says a lot about our relationship with material goods (and about capitalism and consumerism) that we feel that we need outside advice to cope with our stuff. It's not always easy to figure this stuff out though!
Every line made me want to cheer, go "AHA," underline. You are so smart and instinctive and tender. Sorry I told you you didn't like your sweaters and to cull them! They will write their next story for you when they and you are ready. I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU XO
Thank you Rachel, I so appreciate you!!
I was actually thinking how great it was that you told me to cull the sweaters. I got a gut reaction from your DM, like the second I read it, and immediately knew that I had to keep the sweaters. Sometimes it's good to have someone play the devil's advocate to know how you really feel.
That is such a great point. Do you even want to fight it? Both ways say something. XOXO
This is so relatable for me! This is pretty much how I edit my closet. I usually have a bag in my bedroom for things I come across randomly that I want to get rid of. It’s an ongoing process. And if I’m not sure about something, I put it away and see if I miss it. Because there’s nothing worse than frantically getting rid of something and then deeply regretting it later. Thanks for sharing!
I'm glad this resonated with you, Christina! They say that once you cull something out of your closet, you won't regret it, but I have so many regrets from culling stuff because I thought I had to be ruthless! Some things still haunt me, years and years later.
I love this. I love that it addresses the emotions behind our clothes, the cull/buy cycle so many of us fall into, and avoids the diet-culture-esque (eating disorder-esque?) terminology of “purging.” I haven’t done a formal cull in a few years because I simply don’t have the energy or time for it with two small kids. Chaotic is all I have haha. I also stopped getting rid of clothes for a couple of years in an effort to pause my own cull/buy cycle (it did help!), and only recently started letting go of more clothing.
Right now I’m considering moving away from rationalism and embrace of intuition in regards to tracking my clothing wears. I’ve been tracking in a basic excel spreadsheet for about 4 years, and have learned a fair amount (though not as much as I did from simply tracking what I bought and got rid of for several years). But at this point I feel like I kind of know what is getting good wear and I don’t have the desire/time/energy to obsess over cost per wear etc. I forget to update it daily more and more. And maybe my goal shouldn’t be tracking my extensive closet to reward and flagellate myself for clothing related decisions, but to just enjoy what I have or move on from it. Long term I’d like to have a closet small enough that the idea of even tracking it is laughable, but I’m cautious about falling back into old cull/buy cycles, and kind of want to genuinely wear stuff out if I’m at all still wearing it, rather than sell or donate (we’ll see how that goes!).
That's a really interesting point about the diet-culture-esque language that surrounds our closet talk! We talk about shopping binges, too. What's up with that!? Whatever it is, it's not healthy...
I'm also trying to move away from rationalizing and analyzing my clothes to death, although being an overthinker, it's not simple. It's just kind of exhausting to try to control everything all the time (again, there's that diet-culture-mindset, right?). I tracked my outfits for some time with the A Closet app, and it was helpful and I learned some things, but it just took up too much of my mental space after a while. I feel like I got what I needed from it. Tracking my purchases has been more helpful for me, too, in the long run. But I do want to get to a place where I don't have to think so much, and where I can trust my intuition instead.
the normal 'cull your wardrobe' advice doesn't work on me either, but I do think I've been slower to tire of clothes once I stopped buying things for their own sake (similar to your needing more range in pants but then not actually liking them, or placeholders). Or 'I should have black trousers for work, might as well get a pair' - that 'might as well' is usually an 'I don't actually want this, it feels like a chore to wear it'.
also a lot of wardrobe editing advice is oriented to specific numbers and the idea of the capsule wardrobe - which is useful to many people and contexts, but in terms of my wardrobe, the capsule isn't really what I want - I like having options but don't like the way some advice writers treat it as a moral failing if you keep your clothes (not to mention how some of the advice is downright false - so much advice to 'ditch old clothes and get the modern version because they will fit better' which is a lie because clothing quality - construction, fabric etc - has declined so much over the last decade, even for a lot of expensive brands.).
I, too, think that I'm able to cull differently because I'm buying differently. I still buy a lot, but my viewpoint has definitely shifted in the last couple of years.
That's a great point re: the capsule wardrobe ideology. It makes us treat our clothes with efficiency in mind first and foremost. I really dislike the idea that we're supposed to wear our clothes all the time, or that you've failed if you can't style something a hundred different ways.
I fully agree that there's some toxic advice floating around regarding fit and construction. Old clothes are so much better made that it's just stupid to claim otherwise. Just because something comes with an elastic waistband doesn't mean that it has any fit to speak of.
This is such a thoughtful and empathetic way of cultivating a wardrobe, but also cultivating a relationship with oneself. I also have a number of beloved pieces (mostly vintage, actually) that for one reason or another I don't wear nearly as much, yet I love them instinctively, for reasons sometimes yet to be articulated. I'm ok with that, too. Thanks for the lovely reminder that we should all slow down and allow ourselves to sit with the messy feelings of being human, and being imperfect. :)
Messy feelings, indeed! We all have them, so why not embrace them. Thank you for the lovely comment, Sophie!
I feel you in your writing and b/c I can feel you, your posts (and you) make me feel less isolated in the world, more like in a community, even a virtual one, and that is valuable to me. You have a knack for conveying intimacy in your writing. Thank you! I also particularly resonated with a number of things you wrote: "We tend to be very hard on ourselves when it comes to editing our closets." and "I’ve blamed myself for having bought things that I don’t need." and "I’ve felt silly when the clothes that I thought would make me feel a certain way didn’t deliver." I've felt all these things.
I see many items in my closet that I no longer love, I know this, but I don't get rid of them because I don't have the money to replace everything with something else I'd prefer more. I already feel like I spend too much, but I feel like I don't have a LOT of clothes (around 160 items including shoes, coats, and bags). These items I no longer love are fine, nothing wrong with them, high quality, but just not exactly "me" but I keep them in part so that my closet feels like it has more choices, more life to it as I already feel like I don't have enough. (Of course I have more than enough, it's just a feeling.) I guess I'm holding on from a scarcity mindset, in the sense that their presence in some other way, provides comfort. Interesting... Thank you for writing about the complex feelings that arise when confronted by our closets (and culling).
Thank you Lisa, for your support and kind words, always!
I think that we all have feelings of inadequacy when it comes to our clothes. The system is rigged that way, to keep us buying more and more. It feeds on our insecurities, and we all have them.
Re: holding onto some of your old clothes even though you don't love them right now... You don't need to make decisions about them if you're not ready. It sounds to me like you're doing the mental work, thinking about the scarcity mindset, the comfort factor... These are big themes that require time. Eventually you might feel ready to let go of these clothes, all in good time. Or you might end up loving some of them after all, who knows! Trust the process!
Tiia, pardon my delayed reply! Your comment back feels so supportive, thank you! I really value your perspectives, they are grounding and real and relativizing. "Trust the process!" And that these themes take time to unfold. Yes, I need this. It's perfectly fine and normal and OK to not have my closet all perfectly aligned with who I am (and I'm constantly evolving) or exactly as I want it (in this moment). Your note also reminds me that I have other important things going on in my life and though my clothes are very important to me, so are these other things.
love every part of this essay! I have also been struggling with some of my vintage, it feels too young for me and I'm not sure where that is coming from. I don't mind but it's weird to have a favorite piece appear too costume-like. Also, I'm thinking so much of the advice on closet cleanouts (and the situating clothing/the closet as an enemy) comes from Puritanism. It's so harsh and focused on getting rid of things that 'don't work' enough. Yikes!
Puritanism -- yes, you nailed it, Kara. It's like Alicia wrote in her comment, the language surrounding our clothes and our closets is similar to diet culture (and religion) where's there's this weird mix of indulgence followed by penance, but then there's also the Puritan idea of endless introspection and self-examination. No wonder we're all exhausted!
I love your approach! And fully agree. It is about the connection you have with a piece. I will try to let my my difficult pieces talk to me. They will tell me how to wear them. Me too, I have some beautiful items thaf I don't wear often. But why should I do them away? I enjoy having them in my closet and there will be a moment that I wear them and be happy.
Exactly. I refuse to think that in order for a piece of clothing to have a purpose in my closet, it needs to be worn constantly and in a hundred different ways. It's just silly to expect that!
Haluan palata karsimisaiheeseen myöhemmin, mutta tässä vaiheessa sanon vain, että taisin karsia omaa vaatemäärääni viimeisessä muutossani Turkuun juuri noin, tunteita kokien ja vaatteisiini ihastuen. Tein karsinnan vasta muutettuani Turkuun.
Ja se t o d e l l a k i n toimi! Ihanaa, että olet saanut karsittua ja tehtyä luopumistyötä! Siitä tulee aina hyvä ja kevyt fiilis ja tuntee hallitsevansa elämäänsä - ainakin itselläni!
Niinpä. Luopumistyö on tärkeää, kun se tekee sydämellä. Ihanaa kuulla, että sinäkin teit karsintaa tunteiden avulla. Järki on näissä asioissa yliarvostettua.
Se todella on. Vaatteisiin liittyy aina tunteita, ja ne täytyy käsitellä karsintaa tehdessä.