Hi Tiia, once again you've given us a provocative article on our crazy world. I think we live in terribly disconnected societies with very little community. Social media is a "false" community and leaves a sense of deep seated isolation in many of us. I believe over consumption is an attempt to heal the isolation that doesn't work. It's a subconscious attempt to try to belong to a tribe. Tibi's marketing taps into this on a very deep level - the style classes began during Covid when we were all desperate to feel more connected.
Yes, it's absolutely true that we're all looking for somewhere to belong. It's human! IRL communities are crumbling and true civic engagement has been replaced by social media posturing, and so many of us are scrambling. I still think that social media can provide incredibly meaningful connections and it can also be used for real change, but it can also encourage unhealthy competition, feed people's insecurities, and lead to excessive consumption. It's just too fast and too triggering for people like myself. And yes, I totally agree that Tibi's marketing is incredibly powerful because it builds on that need of community that lives in all of us.
thanks for this! i have spent the last 6 months trying to reconcile the fact that i cannot scroll TRR + subscribe to dozens of substack fashion newsletters as a hobby and still quit compulsively shopping. it’s sad to me because i love to scroll and consume the content but you’re right - they are inextricably linked. the change i seek will require not only breaking harmful habits but finding new healthier ones, which is no small feat.
Thanks for reading, amy! I've had to "break up" with some of my favorite online people for this reason, people I've followed for years and years. It's definitely not easy but it's doable. Finding new healthier habits is definitely challenging, too. I'm learning (slowly) to do nothing, which is fascinating. I've been so used to scrolling for so long that when I have a spare moment, I find myself confused and trying to figure out how to spend it. Now there are moments when I just exist or look out of the window and let my mind wander. It's... weird. But also really cool.
Sadly this is where I am too. On one level, I love these substacks. They take us away from Zuckerbergian and Chinese algos and allow for long format over short format formulaic. I love that the blogosphere has been reborn (after being killed by Zuckerberg). And, I tell myself, how is this different from fashion magazines? I spent much of my youth poring over those and did not over shop and still had time to read etc.
How is it different? I don’t know. But I find I still don’t have time to read books and instead of scrolling instagram I am reading these newsletters. I enjoy them but …..I think a good book or movie would be better for me. And then I think the one click away internet is probably what triggers the shopping….? I wish I understood this better. Because quitting cold turkey seems like a blunt approach…but I have no other solves…
I hear you. The long format is definitely the one for me, so I'm staying on Substack, reading the newsletters that work for me and where I'm at. I still have Substack Notes on my phone, but it's dangerously scrollable, so I try to use Notes only on my laptop and on the days when I'm writing. But yes, I think the difference between magazines and the faster pace online fashion media is the click-here-to-buy-now function. It's just too easy to buy things. Everything is shoppable and the shopping links are freakin' everywhere.
About quitting cold turkey -- it's never worked for me. It's just too much pressure and if you don't give yourself any guardrails, you're more likely to fail. Recognize your triggers and the places and the people who get you in trouble, and start from there. Wean yourself off one at a time.
Oh yeah, can TOTALLY relate to this. Count me in to the 'we're good with our wardrobes' gang. I've been doing Rule of Five this year and it has been such a joy to no longer be consumed with the obsessive 'what next' shopping thoughts. I'm still reading trend reports because hey, I love fashion, but no idea where to channel that energy. Maybe it's time to start drawing again?
I'm still trying to figure out how to channel my energy, too. I've spent so much time scrolling various apps, websites and shopping platforms that I don't know what to do with all the time I have in my hands now! Apart from mending, I'm definitely leaning toward doing something with my hands, like knitting, maybe? Drawing sounds like a great creative outlet!
I was just thinking this today! I took a holiday last week and didn't look at social media, Substack, or shopping sites at all, and today, on my first day back at home, I was shocked by how much time I had when I decided to hold back from checking my internet go-tos. I tried mending a sock but lost patience and decided to make some cookies instead...
Making cookies sounds like an awesome way to pass the time! I feel that everyone is constantly complaining that they are too busy to do anything, and I'm more or less convinced that if we all logged off for a while, we'd find that we are not in fact busy at all, but we just spend our time in really shitty ways.
Oooh perfect timing for knitting since we're past midsummer (sob) so like, by the time you've finished knitting, it's cozy season, right? That's a real tough thing to type in +30 degree heat rn
Agreed! I'm probably waiting until, say, September before I actually consider a knitting project. There's a heatwave in the forecast and I can't even imagine picking out wool yarns for a project right now!
This landed in my inbox at exactly the right moment - thank you for your honesty.
Two parts of this journey are especially painful for me; I'm really good at hyping myself for a revolution. I unsubscribe from emails, I refuse to be enveloped by social media... I do well for a bit and then get swallowed back in the habit. It sucks.
The second part - the shame I feel when my husband scolds me for "relapsing".
It weighs heavy on me. But I'm keeping this post pinned and will read it when I'm feeling the urge.
Ah, I know the feeling of hyping myself for a revolution, and I know the shame part well, too. I've been there so many times. I'm terrified that I'll fall back into my old ways tomorrow, next week, or next month. It might happen. I keep telling myself that it matters that we try, and I believe it's possible to have clarity in the long run. I wish you the best of luck in your process. Whatever happens, don't be too hard on yourself!
This is my experience and my “ life” too . Another substack I subscribe to ( and the whole notion of paying to be influenced *at* is another story ) , the subject of being influenced to buy at a level your finances can’t support was a hot topic . Many commenters felt the brands that are routinely linked ( The Row , Khaite , Toteme , even Tibi etc ) aren’t realistic for most people . And because Substacks are written by real people ( as opposed to an editorial photographed for a magazine ) , we are left to feel that we are missing out on something that other women are able to buy. I’m all over the place here ( this is what happens when you type on your phone , lol) but I’m really rethinking how much time and headspace I want to devote to all of this . Style inspiration , sure , but my environmental norm is such that most of this is unrealistic . Thank you for this post , Tiia, and for your comment , Crystal .
"we are left to feel that we are missing out on something that other women are able to buy" -- yes! This is such an important topic. I feel that we need to talk about influencers, the obvious lack of transparency, and what's "real" or realistic for us to have and buy. Whether it's our headspace or the money we spend, we should probably all reassess!
I wish I could be where you and Irene are as no shopping is a million times better than over shopping. Honestly, the amount of time wasted on purging, seasonal flips, remembering to wear things I love that I have forgotten about….oof! I think the time gained could be more valuable than the money saved. (Climate impact obviously supersedes time and money but I hold on to clothes forever and do not cycle through and try to make responsible choices. It’s not great I am sure but not any worse than anything else that I do I think.)
What’s holding me back is falling in love with something new. My favorite garden writer (Margaret Roach) once shared a gardening parable: “Never stop wanting more plants.” The spirit of this was not consumption but the awe and wonder of discovery. The thinking behind it as an experienced gardener you could just keep growing your existing plants but the joy of wanting a new one and all the experimentation and personal growth that comes from cultivating it is core to being a gardener. I think there are parallels here for me. (Many fashionistas are also into landscape design/gardening.). Perhaps the internet and the wheels of capitalism have destroyed the beauty and serendipity of shopping for us.
"the amount of time wasted on purging, seasonal flips, remembering to wear things I love that I have forgotten about" -- oh yes, I can relate. It's exhausting. And so much work!
"The spirit of this was not consumption but the awe and wonder of discovery." -- I'll play the devil's advocate here: this could work in relation to clothes if the fashion system was less... evil. The industry is just so littered with exploitation of the Global South and environmental problems. There's very little space for the awe and the discovery when people work in sweatshops and entire ecosystems are dying. And it's not just fast fashion. It's really hard to find any transparency in luxury fashion production. It's so unpleasant to think about this, but I force myself sometimes, just to recognize that the buck has to stop somewhere.
I appreciate this perspective. My father used to say, "I always got everything I wanted, but I knew never to want much." Being a teenager in Texas in the 80s, with all the harsh cultural messaging around food (no), sex (no, but you still had be sexy), desire (be the object, not the originator) -- figuring out what it was okay to want and how much took a lot of energy. I emerged with a belief that a lot of delicious, wonderful, luxurious, elegant things were Not For Me. I still struggle to know what I want, and continue to ask if it's okay to want it. Shopping helps me navigate this struggle and test it in a safe way. I am certainly prone to using shopping to fill other voids -- after a bad day at work I last week I went straight to gem.app and poshmark. (I stopped before I bought.) I notice that if I haven't received a package in a week or two, I crave the hit of getting a thing. I get influenced and regret it. And even with all that, I'm still going to defend desire. It's okay to want. It's okay to crave and spend time seeking beauty on screens and in our closets. There are a lot of ways to acquire things (second hand, small makers), and there's a place for a morality and an ethics with respect to acquisition. But it's subtle and nuanced. As is this post and these comments, so I'm not disagreeing, just keeping that space open for honoring our desiring selves.
You expressed your thoughts so beautifully, Jenny, and I thank you for sharing your story. I, too, think that there needs to be space for beautiful things in one's life. I'm not a minimalist, and I will never be one. I'm sure there will be plenty of things that I will want in the future, and like you said, that's okay. Maybe when I get to a safer distance from my current frame of mind, I will be able to engage with this topic with more subtlety and nuance. Now the topic feels almost too raw. And I guess that's okay, too. It's a process for all of us!
I have been feeling that same lack of "thrill" around shopping, and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop -- that any minute now, that craving (and the craving for that craving) will return. Your piece is helping me put this feeling into perspective; that it isn't a mind-blowing revelation that will help me stop shopping, it's a continued effort with no guarantees, but I'll get a lot out of the process along the way. Thank you for sharing so much of what you experienced!
Interestingly, I find that I continue to return to fashion content on social media (and even the occasional shopping newsletter) simply because paradoxically, it keeps me wary of fashion. I suppose I feel that by staying informed, I know bullshit when I see it? I'm not sure how long this will last though...
There's definitely a part of me that's worried that tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year all of the work I've put in will come crashing down and I'll be back to square one with shopping. It's possible. I try to have hope that it won't happen.
"I suppose I feel that by staying informed, I know bullshit when I see it?" -- I get you! I think this is why I eventually developed and kept updating my "Don't buy" list. I feel that at least for now I'm better off staying away from the discourse entirely, or otherwise I'm stuck updating my list and jumping through hoops to not get dragged back into shopping again. I'm so tired of wanting to buy stuff and worrying about wanting to buy stuff that I'd rather just sign off completely, but I understand what you mean. It's like "better the devil you know than the one you don't", in a way.
Deareast Tiia. You are so wonderful and I love reading you. When you describe the excising and refilling of a closet, the "hobby" positioning, the notion of acquiring as playing a self discovery role, I feel it all. The part I don't feel ATM is the guilt after or sweaty palm urgency. I enjoy shopping/exploring/collecting/culling/curating/accepting/rejecting now, for the most part, in a leisurely, aware way that I've been working on since the start of 2024. I DO feel it as a hobby and a self discovery tool in addition to being "what i put on." But I would never say "oh quit the complaints, or whatever, here are these links" because that doesn't feel like me either. I am, like you, also in a funny space. I am not a sustainability expert, and I am not going to be a mender/repairer, and yet I am not a revved up participant in "what's happening now" and all it entails. I am glad that we've been brought together here and can be friends who stumble forward together, sometimes in the same old Dries.
I so appreciate our connection, Rachel, and I love having you as a friend! May we both find our space!
Enjoying shopping in a leisurely, aware way is a beautiful feeling -- embrace it and hold onto it! I do enjoy my clothes very much. I enjoy having, styling and wearing them, I enjoy mending and ironing them... I do think that clothes can be a hobby, and style can be a hobby. But buying shouldn't be a hobby, and the shopping part is most definitely my Achilles' heel. I have to be super careful and always extra aware of every feeling, and that can get exhausting!
You had me from first sentence to last Tiia. This post is right up there- if not the best one I've read on consumption vs contentment. And there have been a lot of them lately! Thank you for writing it- it echoes my feelings, and as evidenced by the comments here (and elsewhere), the feelings of many others. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it's all about belonging...
I agree with your husband. I've been working on knowing what I want; knowing what pleases me. It's not easy but when it started to work my whole world started to shift. I love hearing your thoughts.
Knowing what one wants is not easy, especially in this world where it sometimes feels that "everything" is marketing! I'm so glad to hear that you're well on your way on that journey!
Tiia this was an important newsletter for me to read because I find myself on the cusp of dealing with my own shopping addiction. Some days/weeks/months I still feel very much caught in the consumption cycle and other days I am 100% content with what I already have.
I do think it’s important to note that both you and Irene noted having a good foundational wardrobe in order to move past the endless shopping. I feel like I’m there with a great foundation!
Thank you for your support, Kelly, I appreciate you! I believe it's essential to have good clothes that you're happy with before embarking on a consumption curbing exercise. Having clothes that fit your body and your sense of self make a big difference. For a long time I tried to just have less, but it doesn't help if the "less" you have isn't versatile enough or it doesn't fit properly!
I loved reading this! Thank you for articulating the feelings I've been feeling of late. I wonder if fashion can be approached similarly to how we consume books. Like books, there are ones we return to and there are always new ones that come out that we can enjoy as well. I know for me, I'm no longer interested in what's new and on trend but rather how people are styling what they have (one of the main reasons why I love Irene Kim's Substack) or documenting the styles of others. These days, seeing things put together well gives me the same dopamine hit as buying something new.
"seeing things put together well gives me the same dopamine hit as buying something new." -- this is huge! I notice, too, that I can get excited about someone else's style, without the need to buy or have what they have. This is especially true of people I meet in real life. IG still has me confused and I think that the trend cycle is in part to blame, but I feel hopeful that it is possible to consume fashion differently. I don't know yet what it will look like for me, but there has to be something there for me! Thank you for reading, Grace!
Walking away from beautiful clothes at bargain prices is a serious triumph! We are wired to hunt and acquire — to resist that impulse is not a trivial thing.
I, too, am trying to find a place within contemporary style discourse that isn’t all about shopping, showing off fashion trophies, and trying to influence others in hopes of earning some $$. However, I have been enjoying this little corner of Substack (I was led here by you, Lin, and Neela) where intelligent and honest conversations about the tensions between consumerism, environmentalism, and appreciation for clothes are taking place. I feel like a lot of us in this space have always been drawn to thinking, dreaming, and writing about clothes as a creative outlet, but harbour some shame about it — like it's a vain or unworthy pursuit in the context of today's world. For me, it's been a relief to find others who are working through similar conundrums.
I feel, too, that Substack is a good platform for us to have these conversations. I love having this little community here and I'm thankful that you're a part of it!
The feeling of shame when it comes to clothes as a creative outlet is such a complex issue, but a really important one. To me, that shame is definitely linked to overconsumption and living beyond the means of our planet. It's a tough topic, for sure. For the past few years I've tried to consciously lower my carbon footprint and it's so difficult! I try to make good decisions in my life but I still fall short, and I really struggle with that.
As someone with very little disposable income, I've always felt quite alienated by popular shopping-oriented content; I love fashion, I love clothes, but these pieces beg the question, can I really call myself a lover of these things when I'm so out of the loop? I've gotten much more confident recently in my own understanding of style, divorced from trend cycles, rooted in craft and history. I loved your recent article discussing those long-johns and other pieces with stories in them. I think that kind of personal, truly personal approach is what's needed.
"can I really call myself a lover of these things when I'm so out of the loop?" -- I can relate to this so much. For years I felt like a bit of a fraud, being an observer of fashion, sometimes even commenting on fashion shows and things like that, but not able to afford the clothes for myself. It's not easy, wanting to belong but finding oneself on the outskirts of it all anyway. I feel that I'm ready to let go of all that now and it feels so liberating!
One thing I like to remind myself is how many trends and fashion movements originate with the working class. As a working class girl myself I sometimes feel completely locked out of fashion, because a lot of content would have you think there’s an expensive barrier to entry, but that just isn’t true. Loving clothes happens at all budgets.
Hi Tiia, once again you've given us a provocative article on our crazy world. I think we live in terribly disconnected societies with very little community. Social media is a "false" community and leaves a sense of deep seated isolation in many of us. I believe over consumption is an attempt to heal the isolation that doesn't work. It's a subconscious attempt to try to belong to a tribe. Tibi's marketing taps into this on a very deep level - the style classes began during Covid when we were all desperate to feel more connected.
Yes, it's absolutely true that we're all looking for somewhere to belong. It's human! IRL communities are crumbling and true civic engagement has been replaced by social media posturing, and so many of us are scrambling. I still think that social media can provide incredibly meaningful connections and it can also be used for real change, but it can also encourage unhealthy competition, feed people's insecurities, and lead to excessive consumption. It's just too fast and too triggering for people like myself. And yes, I totally agree that Tibi's marketing is incredibly powerful because it builds on that need of community that lives in all of us.
thanks for this! i have spent the last 6 months trying to reconcile the fact that i cannot scroll TRR + subscribe to dozens of substack fashion newsletters as a hobby and still quit compulsively shopping. it’s sad to me because i love to scroll and consume the content but you’re right - they are inextricably linked. the change i seek will require not only breaking harmful habits but finding new healthier ones, which is no small feat.
Thanks for reading, amy! I've had to "break up" with some of my favorite online people for this reason, people I've followed for years and years. It's definitely not easy but it's doable. Finding new healthier habits is definitely challenging, too. I'm learning (slowly) to do nothing, which is fascinating. I've been so used to scrolling for so long that when I have a spare moment, I find myself confused and trying to figure out how to spend it. Now there are moments when I just exist or look out of the window and let my mind wander. It's... weird. But also really cool.
Sadly this is where I am too. On one level, I love these substacks. They take us away from Zuckerbergian and Chinese algos and allow for long format over short format formulaic. I love that the blogosphere has been reborn (after being killed by Zuckerberg). And, I tell myself, how is this different from fashion magazines? I spent much of my youth poring over those and did not over shop and still had time to read etc.
How is it different? I don’t know. But I find I still don’t have time to read books and instead of scrolling instagram I am reading these newsletters. I enjoy them but …..I think a good book or movie would be better for me. And then I think the one click away internet is probably what triggers the shopping….? I wish I understood this better. Because quitting cold turkey seems like a blunt approach…but I have no other solves…
I hear you. The long format is definitely the one for me, so I'm staying on Substack, reading the newsletters that work for me and where I'm at. I still have Substack Notes on my phone, but it's dangerously scrollable, so I try to use Notes only on my laptop and on the days when I'm writing. But yes, I think the difference between magazines and the faster pace online fashion media is the click-here-to-buy-now function. It's just too easy to buy things. Everything is shoppable and the shopping links are freakin' everywhere.
About quitting cold turkey -- it's never worked for me. It's just too much pressure and if you don't give yourself any guardrails, you're more likely to fail. Recognize your triggers and the places and the people who get you in trouble, and start from there. Wean yourself off one at a time.
I like you, Amy! You're so right about replacing habits we want to break with ones that might feel better in the long run.
Obsessed with this brilliant, brave, honest post. Thank you! BRB rereading and restacking!
Thank you for reading, Kathleen!
Oh yeah, can TOTALLY relate to this. Count me in to the 'we're good with our wardrobes' gang. I've been doing Rule of Five this year and it has been such a joy to no longer be consumed with the obsessive 'what next' shopping thoughts. I'm still reading trend reports because hey, I love fashion, but no idea where to channel that energy. Maybe it's time to start drawing again?
I'm still trying to figure out how to channel my energy, too. I've spent so much time scrolling various apps, websites and shopping platforms that I don't know what to do with all the time I have in my hands now! Apart from mending, I'm definitely leaning toward doing something with my hands, like knitting, maybe? Drawing sounds like a great creative outlet!
I was just thinking this today! I took a holiday last week and didn't look at social media, Substack, or shopping sites at all, and today, on my first day back at home, I was shocked by how much time I had when I decided to hold back from checking my internet go-tos. I tried mending a sock but lost patience and decided to make some cookies instead...
Making cookies sounds like an awesome way to pass the time! I feel that everyone is constantly complaining that they are too busy to do anything, and I'm more or less convinced that if we all logged off for a while, we'd find that we are not in fact busy at all, but we just spend our time in really shitty ways.
Riiiight?! I cherish the digital detox days because it gives back like 10x the time. Cookies > sock darning always, totally agree haha.
Oooh perfect timing for knitting since we're past midsummer (sob) so like, by the time you've finished knitting, it's cozy season, right? That's a real tough thing to type in +30 degree heat rn
Agreed! I'm probably waiting until, say, September before I actually consider a knitting project. There's a heatwave in the forecast and I can't even imagine picking out wool yarns for a project right now!
This landed in my inbox at exactly the right moment - thank you for your honesty.
Two parts of this journey are especially painful for me; I'm really good at hyping myself for a revolution. I unsubscribe from emails, I refuse to be enveloped by social media... I do well for a bit and then get swallowed back in the habit. It sucks.
The second part - the shame I feel when my husband scolds me for "relapsing".
It weighs heavy on me. But I'm keeping this post pinned and will read it when I'm feeling the urge.
Thank you!!
Ah, I know the feeling of hyping myself for a revolution, and I know the shame part well, too. I've been there so many times. I'm terrified that I'll fall back into my old ways tomorrow, next week, or next month. It might happen. I keep telling myself that it matters that we try, and I believe it's possible to have clarity in the long run. I wish you the best of luck in your process. Whatever happens, don't be too hard on yourself!
This is my experience and my “ life” too . Another substack I subscribe to ( and the whole notion of paying to be influenced *at* is another story ) , the subject of being influenced to buy at a level your finances can’t support was a hot topic . Many commenters felt the brands that are routinely linked ( The Row , Khaite , Toteme , even Tibi etc ) aren’t realistic for most people . And because Substacks are written by real people ( as opposed to an editorial photographed for a magazine ) , we are left to feel that we are missing out on something that other women are able to buy. I’m all over the place here ( this is what happens when you type on your phone , lol) but I’m really rethinking how much time and headspace I want to devote to all of this . Style inspiration , sure , but my environmental norm is such that most of this is unrealistic . Thank you for this post , Tiia, and for your comment , Crystal .
"we are left to feel that we are missing out on something that other women are able to buy" -- yes! This is such an important topic. I feel that we need to talk about influencers, the obvious lack of transparency, and what's "real" or realistic for us to have and buy. Whether it's our headspace or the money we spend, we should probably all reassess!
I wish I could be where you and Irene are as no shopping is a million times better than over shopping. Honestly, the amount of time wasted on purging, seasonal flips, remembering to wear things I love that I have forgotten about….oof! I think the time gained could be more valuable than the money saved. (Climate impact obviously supersedes time and money but I hold on to clothes forever and do not cycle through and try to make responsible choices. It’s not great I am sure but not any worse than anything else that I do I think.)
What’s holding me back is falling in love with something new. My favorite garden writer (Margaret Roach) once shared a gardening parable: “Never stop wanting more plants.” The spirit of this was not consumption but the awe and wonder of discovery. The thinking behind it as an experienced gardener you could just keep growing your existing plants but the joy of wanting a new one and all the experimentation and personal growth that comes from cultivating it is core to being a gardener. I think there are parallels here for me. (Many fashionistas are also into landscape design/gardening.). Perhaps the internet and the wheels of capitalism have destroyed the beauty and serendipity of shopping for us.
"the amount of time wasted on purging, seasonal flips, remembering to wear things I love that I have forgotten about" -- oh yes, I can relate. It's exhausting. And so much work!
"The spirit of this was not consumption but the awe and wonder of discovery." -- I'll play the devil's advocate here: this could work in relation to clothes if the fashion system was less... evil. The industry is just so littered with exploitation of the Global South and environmental problems. There's very little space for the awe and the discovery when people work in sweatshops and entire ecosystems are dying. And it's not just fast fashion. It's really hard to find any transparency in luxury fashion production. It's so unpleasant to think about this, but I force myself sometimes, just to recognize that the buck has to stop somewhere.
I appreciate this perspective. My father used to say, "I always got everything I wanted, but I knew never to want much." Being a teenager in Texas in the 80s, with all the harsh cultural messaging around food (no), sex (no, but you still had be sexy), desire (be the object, not the originator) -- figuring out what it was okay to want and how much took a lot of energy. I emerged with a belief that a lot of delicious, wonderful, luxurious, elegant things were Not For Me. I still struggle to know what I want, and continue to ask if it's okay to want it. Shopping helps me navigate this struggle and test it in a safe way. I am certainly prone to using shopping to fill other voids -- after a bad day at work I last week I went straight to gem.app and poshmark. (I stopped before I bought.) I notice that if I haven't received a package in a week or two, I crave the hit of getting a thing. I get influenced and regret it. And even with all that, I'm still going to defend desire. It's okay to want. It's okay to crave and spend time seeking beauty on screens and in our closets. There are a lot of ways to acquire things (second hand, small makers), and there's a place for a morality and an ethics with respect to acquisition. But it's subtle and nuanced. As is this post and these comments, so I'm not disagreeing, just keeping that space open for honoring our desiring selves.
You expressed your thoughts so beautifully, Jenny, and I thank you for sharing your story. I, too, think that there needs to be space for beautiful things in one's life. I'm not a minimalist, and I will never be one. I'm sure there will be plenty of things that I will want in the future, and like you said, that's okay. Maybe when I get to a safer distance from my current frame of mind, I will be able to engage with this topic with more subtlety and nuance. Now the topic feels almost too raw. And I guess that's okay, too. It's a process for all of us!
You are already beautifully subtle and nuanced! And yes, this topic gets to a lot of tender places very quickly— mine included!
I have been feeling that same lack of "thrill" around shopping, and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop -- that any minute now, that craving (and the craving for that craving) will return. Your piece is helping me put this feeling into perspective; that it isn't a mind-blowing revelation that will help me stop shopping, it's a continued effort with no guarantees, but I'll get a lot out of the process along the way. Thank you for sharing so much of what you experienced!
Interestingly, I find that I continue to return to fashion content on social media (and even the occasional shopping newsletter) simply because paradoxically, it keeps me wary of fashion. I suppose I feel that by staying informed, I know bullshit when I see it? I'm not sure how long this will last though...
There's definitely a part of me that's worried that tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year all of the work I've put in will come crashing down and I'll be back to square one with shopping. It's possible. I try to have hope that it won't happen.
"I suppose I feel that by staying informed, I know bullshit when I see it?" -- I get you! I think this is why I eventually developed and kept updating my "Don't buy" list. I feel that at least for now I'm better off staying away from the discourse entirely, or otherwise I'm stuck updating my list and jumping through hoops to not get dragged back into shopping again. I'm so tired of wanting to buy stuff and worrying about wanting to buy stuff that I'd rather just sign off completely, but I understand what you mean. It's like "better the devil you know than the one you don't", in a way.
This! Tiia your writing is so important, meaningful and exactly what I need. Thank you
Thank you, Elin, for your support!
Deareast Tiia. You are so wonderful and I love reading you. When you describe the excising and refilling of a closet, the "hobby" positioning, the notion of acquiring as playing a self discovery role, I feel it all. The part I don't feel ATM is the guilt after or sweaty palm urgency. I enjoy shopping/exploring/collecting/culling/curating/accepting/rejecting now, for the most part, in a leisurely, aware way that I've been working on since the start of 2024. I DO feel it as a hobby and a self discovery tool in addition to being "what i put on." But I would never say "oh quit the complaints, or whatever, here are these links" because that doesn't feel like me either. I am, like you, also in a funny space. I am not a sustainability expert, and I am not going to be a mender/repairer, and yet I am not a revved up participant in "what's happening now" and all it entails. I am glad that we've been brought together here and can be friends who stumble forward together, sometimes in the same old Dries.
I so appreciate our connection, Rachel, and I love having you as a friend! May we both find our space!
Enjoying shopping in a leisurely, aware way is a beautiful feeling -- embrace it and hold onto it! I do enjoy my clothes very much. I enjoy having, styling and wearing them, I enjoy mending and ironing them... I do think that clothes can be a hobby, and style can be a hobby. But buying shouldn't be a hobby, and the shopping part is most definitely my Achilles' heel. I have to be super careful and always extra aware of every feeling, and that can get exhausting!
You had me from first sentence to last Tiia. This post is right up there- if not the best one I've read on consumption vs contentment. And there have been a lot of them lately! Thank you for writing it- it echoes my feelings, and as evidenced by the comments here (and elsewhere), the feelings of many others. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it's all about belonging...
Thank you so much, Kylie!
I agree with your husband. I've been working on knowing what I want; knowing what pleases me. It's not easy but when it started to work my whole world started to shift. I love hearing your thoughts.
Knowing what one wants is not easy, especially in this world where it sometimes feels that "everything" is marketing! I'm so glad to hear that you're well on your way on that journey!
Tiia this was an important newsletter for me to read because I find myself on the cusp of dealing with my own shopping addiction. Some days/weeks/months I still feel very much caught in the consumption cycle and other days I am 100% content with what I already have.
I do think it’s important to note that both you and Irene noted having a good foundational wardrobe in order to move past the endless shopping. I feel like I’m there with a great foundation!
Thank you for your support, Kelly, I appreciate you! I believe it's essential to have good clothes that you're happy with before embarking on a consumption curbing exercise. Having clothes that fit your body and your sense of self make a big difference. For a long time I tried to just have less, but it doesn't help if the "less" you have isn't versatile enough or it doesn't fit properly!
This is thoughtful and beautiful and I thank you.
I loved reading this! Thank you for articulating the feelings I've been feeling of late. I wonder if fashion can be approached similarly to how we consume books. Like books, there are ones we return to and there are always new ones that come out that we can enjoy as well. I know for me, I'm no longer interested in what's new and on trend but rather how people are styling what they have (one of the main reasons why I love Irene Kim's Substack) or documenting the styles of others. These days, seeing things put together well gives me the same dopamine hit as buying something new.
"seeing things put together well gives me the same dopamine hit as buying something new." -- this is huge! I notice, too, that I can get excited about someone else's style, without the need to buy or have what they have. This is especially true of people I meet in real life. IG still has me confused and I think that the trend cycle is in part to blame, but I feel hopeful that it is possible to consume fashion differently. I don't know yet what it will look like for me, but there has to be something there for me! Thank you for reading, Grace!
It's a real pleasure, thank you Tiia!
Walking away from beautiful clothes at bargain prices is a serious triumph! We are wired to hunt and acquire — to resist that impulse is not a trivial thing.
I, too, am trying to find a place within contemporary style discourse that isn’t all about shopping, showing off fashion trophies, and trying to influence others in hopes of earning some $$. However, I have been enjoying this little corner of Substack (I was led here by you, Lin, and Neela) where intelligent and honest conversations about the tensions between consumerism, environmentalism, and appreciation for clothes are taking place. I feel like a lot of us in this space have always been drawn to thinking, dreaming, and writing about clothes as a creative outlet, but harbour some shame about it — like it's a vain or unworthy pursuit in the context of today's world. For me, it's been a relief to find others who are working through similar conundrums.
I feel, too, that Substack is a good platform for us to have these conversations. I love having this little community here and I'm thankful that you're a part of it!
The feeling of shame when it comes to clothes as a creative outlet is such a complex issue, but a really important one. To me, that shame is definitely linked to overconsumption and living beyond the means of our planet. It's a tough topic, for sure. For the past few years I've tried to consciously lower my carbon footprint and it's so difficult! I try to make good decisions in my life but I still fall short, and I really struggle with that.
Incredibly well-said.
As someone with very little disposable income, I've always felt quite alienated by popular shopping-oriented content; I love fashion, I love clothes, but these pieces beg the question, can I really call myself a lover of these things when I'm so out of the loop? I've gotten much more confident recently in my own understanding of style, divorced from trend cycles, rooted in craft and history. I loved your recent article discussing those long-johns and other pieces with stories in them. I think that kind of personal, truly personal approach is what's needed.
"can I really call myself a lover of these things when I'm so out of the loop?" -- I can relate to this so much. For years I felt like a bit of a fraud, being an observer of fashion, sometimes even commenting on fashion shows and things like that, but not able to afford the clothes for myself. It's not easy, wanting to belong but finding oneself on the outskirts of it all anyway. I feel that I'm ready to let go of all that now and it feels so liberating!
One thing I like to remind myself is how many trends and fashion movements originate with the working class. As a working class girl myself I sometimes feel completely locked out of fashion, because a lot of content would have you think there’s an expensive barrier to entry, but that just isn’t true. Loving clothes happens at all budgets.