Oh boy, can I relate to this. First off, I am happy to hear your Mom is making a nice recovery. Nothing is more stressful than having loved ones sick. At the beginning of Covid, I started watching the Tibi style classes. At first, I was using it for ideas on what to sew. I was tweaking patterns to give them a Tibi vibe. It wasn't long before I started buying. These clothes were in a higher price range than I had ever shopped before. Covid and the isolation were hard and the beautiful clothes and shopping made me feel less lonely. I was in the "CP" club - brilliant marketing on Amy's part. Many of these purchases don't fit my lifestyle. I also buy for a fantasy life that is dressier than my actual life. I have come to the conclusion that I too am a shopaholic. I am on a no buy from now till the end of the year. I have many beautiful clothes and need absolutley nothing. Wish me luck. I feel the shopping pull constantly. I commend you, Tiia, for not caving when your Mom was ill. Way to go!
Buying for a fantasy life is very common, I think. We get sucked in by marketing tricks and thinking that if we only had this, that, or the other thing, that our life would feel complete. And of course life isn't like that. I'm sure Covid and isolation made a lot of us shop for things that made us feel better, just for a moment. No point in feeling guilty though -- what's done is done, and we can only move forward. You're doing a No Buy now, and you will do great! I have faith in you!
I hate to sound like a marketer (#wearyourclothes) but I am curious why you can’t wear the clothes you think are not allowed aligned to your lifestyle?
i too am guilty of constantly buying for a fantasy life and spending a ton on shipping and returns as a result! in my case, my shopping problem makes me anxious about my lack of clothing for potential dressy/formal events, be them weddings, funerals, showers, etc etc. my wardrobe is super duper casual and i go into panic mode when i think about future events that i don’t have anything to wear to, even though said future events literally do not exist!!
Ah, the potential future event buying! I've been there! I used to have a huge selection of high heels and dresses for events that never materialized. I literally used non-existent events as an excuse to buy stuff.
I eventually let go of the idea of buying for future events, and leaned on the idea that I could always rent an outfit if an event was to come around. That helped me see that I had been using future events as a smokescreen, to allow myself to buy stuff I had no need for.
I'm not a big future event buyer. I live in the mountains and everyone is extremely casual and wears althletic clothes to everything. I don't because I really don't like the look but I do try to dress appropriately. An example of dressing for my fantasy life, is my cream color Tibi jumpsuit. I love it but have only worn it twice because it just feels like too much if everyone around me is in jeans and sneakers - even at a party! It's too bulky to pack and wear when I'm traveling. I do take the opportunity when I'm on vacation to wear some of my nicer things.
Oh, yes, I was replying to amy's comment above, where she said she bought things for potential events.
It's hard when everyone else around you wears very casual and athletic clothes. You stand out if you wear anything else, and it takes courage to go your own way and wear what you want. I totally get that! A jumpsuit is difficult to dress down, too, because it sort of makes its own outfit. If you're wearing very nice separates, you can at least dress them down more easily. (Nice trousers with a hoodie and sneakers, a polished top with jeans etc.)
So sorry to hear about your mom. Hope her recovery is speedy. Your thoughts here are quite apt as usual! Guilty on several counts!!! I think another sobering marker is when you have more items than days in the season so you know you couldn’t possibly where these items multiple times. Yikes! I realize now that prior purchases preclude future ones (duh!). Yeah, so while everything in my closet sparks joy (have already purged the things that don’t), that criteria is insufficient. The real bar for a new purchase should be is this item worth not buying anything related/take the equivalent room in the closet for ten years. Are you willing to forgo buying for ten years to own this item? That’s the question I think I need to be asking myself.
Oh yes, absolutely, owning so many things that you don't have time to wear them all is a red flag for sure. Stuff accumulates, and it accumulates fast. When I want to buy something, I try to think what piece in my closet I'd let go of in exchange if I were to buy the new thing. Like if something goes in, something must come out. More often than not I can't think of anything I'd want to let go of, and that's a definite sign that I should not be buying anything...
Me too. Most of what I purge are things looking "tired" and beyond repair/refreshening and not fitting. That means I love everything I own so one in one out won't work for me. Honestly, I think one in one out is a closet volume strategy and not a shopaholic cure....purging and buying at high velocity is....shopaholism :-( And not green even if you are reselling and buying second hand.....
One in, one out is most definitely not a cure for a shopping addiction! It has helped me to not buy things, to keep the shopping urge in check at times, and to remember the things that I already have.
Purging and buying is the worst. God, I used to have to purge my wardrobe twice a year, and I was thinking that I was doing a good deed by recycling. Ugh, the lies we tell ourselves!
I'm happy to hear your mom is recovering well, I'm sorry she had that experience. This hit my inbox just as I came to the same realization. I'm in a very stressful examination period and I've been on a no buy since January. I broke in March and bought 2 things and was doing well. Now I've bought 7 things in the last week and spent more time oscillating b/w vestiare, ebay, depop, poshmark, ssense, and farfetch that I would like to admit.
It seems that you are like me; we both respond to stress and anxiety this way. But at least we recognize it. That's the first step.
Maybe you can return some of the things that you bought this week, if they don't work out or if you regret buying them. Tomorrow's a new day. We can do this!
Wow this was timely. I was just trying to sort my thoughts on shopping today. I was thinking that "curating" a capsule wardrobe wasn't necessary and that it's fine if you have a lot of clothes. There shouldn't be any need to stop shopping so long as you do it mindfully and only when necessary.
But i say that as a quiet shopaholic 😅so it didnt sit quite right with me
Thanks for reminding me the merit of just..not buying anything at all and streamlining your closet. There's definitely a lot of value to it!
I'm currently trying to find ways to soothe the shopping crave with other things. Thanks for this!
I hope your mum continues to recover nicely! And I 100% feel you. I’m back in Singapore now with my dad and he’s going to need more surgery...and to chill out I went to try on some clothes in a shop on the way home. I didn’t want to buy anything and I didn’t, but it was reflexive, trying to soothe myself with shopping. Which NEVER works for long. This post is so timely.
Thank you Tiia. Glad to hear your mother is better. I also shop more when stressed with makes no sense but than I say to myself: I shop my summer clothes now so I don’t need to do it later- so I can only rest later, just live in my clothes later and so on. I also find myself scrolling through my favorite online secondhand shops INSTEAD of cleaning my clothes, steaming them, trying them on and so on... no buy feels so hard but I will read your post and repeat it for myself 🙌
It's really common for people to shop when they are stressed out. There's so many of us!
Cleaning, steaming and ironing the clothes I already have is so therapeutic when I get around to doing it, but I am like you where I often look at Vestiaire Collective instead. I recently took three pairs of shoes to the cobbler, and I was so pleased with myself after I picked them up! It practically felt like I had bought brand new shoes, but without the guilt and the buyer's remorse.
Siihen nähden, miten paljon käytän vuosittain selvää rahaa vaatteisiin ja miten paljon omistan vaatteita, kenkiä ja asusteita, olen taatusti osteluaddikti. En ole kuitenkaan ajatellut sitä niin, koska pidän vaatteistani niin paljon ja käytän niitä paljon, mutta tosiasia on, että en mitenkään ehdi käyttää kaikkia vaatteitani paljon, koska omistan niitä kappalemääräisesti niin paljon. En mitenkään! Ja jos pohtii, miten paljon aikaa kulutan uusista vaateparsista haaveiluun tai vaikkapa Vestiairen pläräilyyn, olen vieläkin selvemmin addikti.
Minähän aloitin ostolakon 15. huhtikuuta, ja olin siinä onnistuneesti aina eiliseen asti, jolloin ostin ne kengät - ja neuleen. Onneksi sain heivattua ne sammarit korista veks! Mutta mikä morkkis seurasikaan, kun olin klikannut tossut ja neuleen luokseni. Miten paljon rahaa hulahtikaan hyppysistäni! Ahdisti.
Samalla tajusin, miten paljon hyvää fiilistä ja jopa lapsellista ylpeyttä olin kokenut joka kerta, kun olin hiffannut, miten pitkään olin ollut ostamatta mitään. Siitä seurasi jatkoajatus: Haluan jatkaa ostolakkoani näistä kahdesta hankinnasta huolimatta. En edes pidä niitä retkahduksena, koska kengät olivat olleet niin kauan hankintalistallani. Samalla puhun itselleni armollisesti, kun en säti itseäni ”retkahduksesta”.
Eli, jos vastaan tulee käytettynä tai mojovalla aleprosentilla jotain pidempään haikailemaani, aion sallia itselleni niiden hankinnan harkinnan jälkeen. En kuitenkaan saa alkaa ostostella (tämä on mielestäni mainio suomenkielinen sana ”shoppailun” tilalle!) eli ostaa monta vaatekappaletta samalla kertaa tai lähipäivinä. Haluan saada itseni kontrolliin enkä olla niin herkästi impulssien ja himotusten vietävänä. Jos tässä onnistun, tiedän saavani vuorostaan siitä kiksejä ja dopamiinipurskauksia!
Todella pelottavaa ja ahdistavaa, mitä äitisi on kokenut, ja huojentavaa, että hän on toipunut hyvin. Voimia teille kaikille. ❤️ En yhtään ihmettele, että ihmiset päätyvät ostostelemaan ahdistuneina tai masentuneina. Niin on tapahtunut itsellenikin. Joulukuussa 2019 ostostelin mieltäni ylemmäs lukuisilla hankinnoilla ja isolla summalla rahaa, kun olin eronnut aiemmin syksyllä ja muuttanut Dillen kanssa omilleni marraskuun alussa. Asunnon myynnistä saamani rahat vielä yllyttivät siihen tai ainakin mahdollistivat sen. Dille nuoli samaisessa joulukuussa rintaansa kananmunan kokoisen karvattoman kohdan stressin takia, mutta lopulta me molemmat selvisimme erosta ja elämänmuutoksesta. Karvatkin kasvoivat takaisin! ❤️
Ei kannata potea liikaa syyllisyyttä, jos jotain ostaa. Kokonaiskuva ja prosessi on tärkeämpi kuin joku yksittäinen ostos. Oot uuden äärellä, ja tässä on paljon oppimista ja totuttelua. Jos on shoppailuaddikti, niin siitä ei varmaankaan koskaan täysin toivu, mutta luulen ja toivon, että sen kanssa voi oppia elämään. Se auttaa, kun oppii tunnistamaan omia tunteitaan ja tekemisiään. Mokia tulee, ei niitä voi täysin välttää. Kukaan meistä ei ole täydellinen kuluttaja, ja elämä heittelee, kuten sinäkin oot kokenut.
En mäkään kutsuisi lenkkareiden ostamista retkahduksena, koska olit suunnitellut niiden hankkimista jo pitkään. Ja hei, jätit sammarit ostamatta! Se on edistystä! Hienoa Mira!
Oh boy, can I relate to this. First off, I am happy to hear your Mom is making a nice recovery. Nothing is more stressful than having loved ones sick. At the beginning of Covid, I started watching the Tibi style classes. At first, I was using it for ideas on what to sew. I was tweaking patterns to give them a Tibi vibe. It wasn't long before I started buying. These clothes were in a higher price range than I had ever shopped before. Covid and the isolation were hard and the beautiful clothes and shopping made me feel less lonely. I was in the "CP" club - brilliant marketing on Amy's part. Many of these purchases don't fit my lifestyle. I also buy for a fantasy life that is dressier than my actual life. I have come to the conclusion that I too am a shopaholic. I am on a no buy from now till the end of the year. I have many beautiful clothes and need absolutley nothing. Wish me luck. I feel the shopping pull constantly. I commend you, Tiia, for not caving when your Mom was ill. Way to go!
Buying for a fantasy life is very common, I think. We get sucked in by marketing tricks and thinking that if we only had this, that, or the other thing, that our life would feel complete. And of course life isn't like that. I'm sure Covid and isolation made a lot of us shop for things that made us feel better, just for a moment. No point in feeling guilty though -- what's done is done, and we can only move forward. You're doing a No Buy now, and you will do great! I have faith in you!
I hate to sound like a marketer (#wearyourclothes) but I am curious why you can’t wear the clothes you think are not allowed aligned to your lifestyle?
i too am guilty of constantly buying for a fantasy life and spending a ton on shipping and returns as a result! in my case, my shopping problem makes me anxious about my lack of clothing for potential dressy/formal events, be them weddings, funerals, showers, etc etc. my wardrobe is super duper casual and i go into panic mode when i think about future events that i don’t have anything to wear to, even though said future events literally do not exist!!
Ah, the potential future event buying! I've been there! I used to have a huge selection of high heels and dresses for events that never materialized. I literally used non-existent events as an excuse to buy stuff.
I eventually let go of the idea of buying for future events, and leaned on the idea that I could always rent an outfit if an event was to come around. That helped me see that I had been using future events as a smokescreen, to allow myself to buy stuff I had no need for.
I'm not a big future event buyer. I live in the mountains and everyone is extremely casual and wears althletic clothes to everything. I don't because I really don't like the look but I do try to dress appropriately. An example of dressing for my fantasy life, is my cream color Tibi jumpsuit. I love it but have only worn it twice because it just feels like too much if everyone around me is in jeans and sneakers - even at a party! It's too bulky to pack and wear when I'm traveling. I do take the opportunity when I'm on vacation to wear some of my nicer things.
Oh, yes, I was replying to amy's comment above, where she said she bought things for potential events.
It's hard when everyone else around you wears very casual and athletic clothes. You stand out if you wear anything else, and it takes courage to go your own way and wear what you want. I totally get that! A jumpsuit is difficult to dress down, too, because it sort of makes its own outfit. If you're wearing very nice separates, you can at least dress them down more easily. (Nice trousers with a hoodie and sneakers, a polished top with jeans etc.)
So sorry to hear about your mom. Hope her recovery is speedy. Your thoughts here are quite apt as usual! Guilty on several counts!!! I think another sobering marker is when you have more items than days in the season so you know you couldn’t possibly where these items multiple times. Yikes! I realize now that prior purchases preclude future ones (duh!). Yeah, so while everything in my closet sparks joy (have already purged the things that don’t), that criteria is insufficient. The real bar for a new purchase should be is this item worth not buying anything related/take the equivalent room in the closet for ten years. Are you willing to forgo buying for ten years to own this item? That’s the question I think I need to be asking myself.
Oh yes, absolutely, owning so many things that you don't have time to wear them all is a red flag for sure. Stuff accumulates, and it accumulates fast. When I want to buy something, I try to think what piece in my closet I'd let go of in exchange if I were to buy the new thing. Like if something goes in, something must come out. More often than not I can't think of anything I'd want to let go of, and that's a definite sign that I should not be buying anything...
Me too. Most of what I purge are things looking "tired" and beyond repair/refreshening and not fitting. That means I love everything I own so one in one out won't work for me. Honestly, I think one in one out is a closet volume strategy and not a shopaholic cure....purging and buying at high velocity is....shopaholism :-( And not green even if you are reselling and buying second hand.....
One in, one out is most definitely not a cure for a shopping addiction! It has helped me to not buy things, to keep the shopping urge in check at times, and to remember the things that I already have.
Purging and buying is the worst. God, I used to have to purge my wardrobe twice a year, and I was thinking that I was doing a good deed by recycling. Ugh, the lies we tell ourselves!
I'm happy to hear your mom is recovering well, I'm sorry she had that experience. This hit my inbox just as I came to the same realization. I'm in a very stressful examination period and I've been on a no buy since January. I broke in March and bought 2 things and was doing well. Now I've bought 7 things in the last week and spent more time oscillating b/w vestiare, ebay, depop, poshmark, ssense, and farfetch that I would like to admit.
It seems that you are like me; we both respond to stress and anxiety this way. But at least we recognize it. That's the first step.
Maybe you can return some of the things that you bought this week, if they don't work out or if you regret buying them. Tomorrow's a new day. We can do this!
Wow this was timely. I was just trying to sort my thoughts on shopping today. I was thinking that "curating" a capsule wardrobe wasn't necessary and that it's fine if you have a lot of clothes. There shouldn't be any need to stop shopping so long as you do it mindfully and only when necessary.
But i say that as a quiet shopaholic 😅so it didnt sit quite right with me
Thanks for reminding me the merit of just..not buying anything at all and streamlining your closet. There's definitely a lot of value to it!
I'm currently trying to find ways to soothe the shopping crave with other things. Thanks for this!
I hope your mum continues to recover nicely! And I 100% feel you. I’m back in Singapore now with my dad and he’s going to need more surgery...and to chill out I went to try on some clothes in a shop on the way home. I didn’t want to buy anything and I didn’t, but it was reflexive, trying to soothe myself with shopping. Which NEVER works for long. This post is so timely.
Thank you Tiia. Glad to hear your mother is better. I also shop more when stressed with makes no sense but than I say to myself: I shop my summer clothes now so I don’t need to do it later- so I can only rest later, just live in my clothes later and so on. I also find myself scrolling through my favorite online secondhand shops INSTEAD of cleaning my clothes, steaming them, trying them on and so on... no buy feels so hard but I will read your post and repeat it for myself 🙌
It's really common for people to shop when they are stressed out. There's so many of us!
Cleaning, steaming and ironing the clothes I already have is so therapeutic when I get around to doing it, but I am like you where I often look at Vestiaire Collective instead. I recently took three pairs of shoes to the cobbler, and I was so pleased with myself after I picked them up! It practically felt like I had bought brand new shoes, but without the guilt and the buyer's remorse.
Siihen nähden, miten paljon käytän vuosittain selvää rahaa vaatteisiin ja miten paljon omistan vaatteita, kenkiä ja asusteita, olen taatusti osteluaddikti. En ole kuitenkaan ajatellut sitä niin, koska pidän vaatteistani niin paljon ja käytän niitä paljon, mutta tosiasia on, että en mitenkään ehdi käyttää kaikkia vaatteitani paljon, koska omistan niitä kappalemääräisesti niin paljon. En mitenkään! Ja jos pohtii, miten paljon aikaa kulutan uusista vaateparsista haaveiluun tai vaikkapa Vestiairen pläräilyyn, olen vieläkin selvemmin addikti.
Minähän aloitin ostolakon 15. huhtikuuta, ja olin siinä onnistuneesti aina eiliseen asti, jolloin ostin ne kengät - ja neuleen. Onneksi sain heivattua ne sammarit korista veks! Mutta mikä morkkis seurasikaan, kun olin klikannut tossut ja neuleen luokseni. Miten paljon rahaa hulahtikaan hyppysistäni! Ahdisti.
Samalla tajusin, miten paljon hyvää fiilistä ja jopa lapsellista ylpeyttä olin kokenut joka kerta, kun olin hiffannut, miten pitkään olin ollut ostamatta mitään. Siitä seurasi jatkoajatus: Haluan jatkaa ostolakkoani näistä kahdesta hankinnasta huolimatta. En edes pidä niitä retkahduksena, koska kengät olivat olleet niin kauan hankintalistallani. Samalla puhun itselleni armollisesti, kun en säti itseäni ”retkahduksesta”.
Eli, jos vastaan tulee käytettynä tai mojovalla aleprosentilla jotain pidempään haikailemaani, aion sallia itselleni niiden hankinnan harkinnan jälkeen. En kuitenkaan saa alkaa ostostella (tämä on mielestäni mainio suomenkielinen sana ”shoppailun” tilalle!) eli ostaa monta vaatekappaletta samalla kertaa tai lähipäivinä. Haluan saada itseni kontrolliin enkä olla niin herkästi impulssien ja himotusten vietävänä. Jos tässä onnistun, tiedän saavani vuorostaan siitä kiksejä ja dopamiinipurskauksia!
Todella pelottavaa ja ahdistavaa, mitä äitisi on kokenut, ja huojentavaa, että hän on toipunut hyvin. Voimia teille kaikille. ❤️ En yhtään ihmettele, että ihmiset päätyvät ostostelemaan ahdistuneina tai masentuneina. Niin on tapahtunut itsellenikin. Joulukuussa 2019 ostostelin mieltäni ylemmäs lukuisilla hankinnoilla ja isolla summalla rahaa, kun olin eronnut aiemmin syksyllä ja muuttanut Dillen kanssa omilleni marraskuun alussa. Asunnon myynnistä saamani rahat vielä yllyttivät siihen tai ainakin mahdollistivat sen. Dille nuoli samaisessa joulukuussa rintaansa kananmunan kokoisen karvattoman kohdan stressin takia, mutta lopulta me molemmat selvisimme erosta ja elämänmuutoksesta. Karvatkin kasvoivat takaisin! ❤️
Ei kannata potea liikaa syyllisyyttä, jos jotain ostaa. Kokonaiskuva ja prosessi on tärkeämpi kuin joku yksittäinen ostos. Oot uuden äärellä, ja tässä on paljon oppimista ja totuttelua. Jos on shoppailuaddikti, niin siitä ei varmaankaan koskaan täysin toivu, mutta luulen ja toivon, että sen kanssa voi oppia elämään. Se auttaa, kun oppii tunnistamaan omia tunteitaan ja tekemisiään. Mokia tulee, ei niitä voi täysin välttää. Kukaan meistä ei ole täydellinen kuluttaja, ja elämä heittelee, kuten sinäkin oot kokenut.
En mäkään kutsuisi lenkkareiden ostamista retkahduksena, koska olit suunnitellut niiden hankkimista jo pitkään. Ja hei, jätit sammarit ostamatta! Se on edistystä! Hienoa Mira!
My mom is a trooper, she'll pull through. <3
I think there are a lot more of us shopaholics out there than we realize. We're not alone!