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Nancy Friedman's avatar

Loved this recap. You did very well; I'm envious!

I'm going to take a contrarian view about in-person shopping, an activity I'd adored since childhood -- I even spent some happy years working in retail shops -- but now find almost intolerable. Why? At least where I live (San Francisco Bay Area), there are a dwindling number of opportunities for decent IRL shopping, new *or* used. One example: The Saks Fifth Avenue department store in San Francisco's Union Square this year announced a new appointment-only policy; you can no longer just walk in and browse. Coupled with the store's limited offerings (from five floors down to only two that contain mostly glam, high-end womenswear -- for whom, I wonder) and the requirement that a sales associate shadow the shopper at all times except in dressing rooms, it makes for an awkward and unpleasant experience. (I wrote about it a few months ago: https://fritinancy.substack.com/p/by-appointment-only) I prefer to shop alone and be left alone; when I shop in person I feel oppressed by hovering salespeople anxious about their commissions.

As for thrift stores (charity shops), I find them almost useless; the chances of finding something of good quality in my size -- a standard size! -- are almost nil. I just don't have the patience or the optimism such shopping requires. The same holds true with home-decor shopping: I tried to do it in person last week, only to discover that none of the products that were listed online as available in-store were in fact available at all. A huge waste of time. I returned home, located exactly what I needed online, and ordered it. Yes, it would have been nice to touch the product before I bought it. But the shops did not make this an option.

I used to have pretty good success with The RealReal (less so now, and never in their brick-and-mortar stores, which stock exclusively high-end designer labels) and now have decent results with eBay. There's little serendipity involved, and I miss that, but when I know what I'm looking for -- most recently a certain style of semi-dressy raincoat -- I can count on finding it on eBay at an affordable-for-me price.

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MidnightBlueBlack's avatar

Wow! This was so beautiful to read, peaceful too 😍. I know the Rule of 5 is anchored in the urgency and absurdity of our overconsumption but I agree with you…destined for failure for all of us. Ideally we would all figure out what are achievable, impactful changes we can make today, and build upon them. And this is what you have done and would love to be where you are. I started writing down everything Dec 23 inspired by you. I like the going back and color coding as a forcing function to analyze and reflect. Honestly, I enter the things and haven’t done anything with it. I think the other thing from your post that has slowly dawned on me is to choose IRL over online. I live in New York and really have no excuse to not visit a store. Emilia Petrarca’s Substack has inspired me here as well. And yes, I don’t have time so I guess that is a silver lining of sorts! Maybe shopping should only be a 1x month or 1x quarter physical day!

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